Advent is Here. Now What?

It's Advent.  So, I think by the Catechism I'm obliged to make my first post of the holiday season about said holiday season (not really, but it seems fitting right?).  Anyway, Advent is the 4 weeks leading up to Christmas and birth of Jesus.  Great.  What does it mean?  I mean, we all know what Lent is.  We spend 40 days praying, fasting, and giving alms. We are preparing ourselves for the death on Good Friday and the Resurrection on Easter Sunday.  We don't sing the alleluia or the gloria.  It's a somber time for the church.  I get it.  But Advent?  What do we do?  How do we celebrate?  I don't know what to do with my hands.

The reason I ask the question is because I didn't grow up in a home that celebrated Advent.  Heck, we barely observed Lent, only giving up meat on Friday because, you know, it's what you did...even though we never went to mass.  But dog gone it, don't you dare eat that hot dog! (It wasn't really like that.  My parents are awesome).  But going back to the point, I have never grown up knowing what to do during Advent.  All I ever knew was to just try and be as patient as I could before Christmas Eve when I could tear into the mountain of presents that I probably didn't deserve anyway.  I did some research and here is my take on Advent.

And what I got was this, "Celebrating Advent typically involves a season of prayer, fasting and repentance..."  Wait a minute, isn't that Lent? Advent compares to Lent in the sense that it is a preparatory period.  In both seasons, we make a stronger effort for prayer, fasting, and alms giving or repentance.  In both seasons, we wait...and we wait...and we wait some more.  What's the difference?

Here is the difference, and we have to finish reading the quote to get the whole picture. The sentence finishes "followed by anticipation, hope and joy."  I think I get it now.  So in Lent we wait all this time without the alleluia, without the gloria, in a time of sadness because we know what comes first...Good Friday, the brutal and humiliating death of Christ.  Yeah, we get Easter Sunday a few days later, but we don't have the rising of Christ without His death.  We don't get the good without the bad.  It's not like that in Advent.  In Advent, we wait patiently for only the good.  There is no death before the birth of Christ.  In fact, in Scripture, you get another birth (John the Baptist) before Jesus, which is great!

So what's the point?  Why am I spending time writing about this when the similarities between Lent and Advent are numerous?  It's because of the one difference.  Jesus is coming!  Be happy!  When you put that extra 20 minutes into prayer, or give up that mid-day snack, don't do it with a scowl on your face.  Do it with a smile and do it with love because the Good Lord is coming and he does not want to see you sad.  Jesus wants to see you happy.  Like He said in John 10:10, "I came so that they might have life and have it more abundantly."  The things that will give you that abundance of life are the very things that we are asked to do during Advent.  So perk up and be happy doing it.  Your friend is about to come home.

I am Pleased with You, My Child

So yesterday was not a great day.  I got home from a two day training session in Denver that was less than relaxing only to know that I had 2 hours to prep for a Bible study and to make fundraising phone calls.  The calls actually went well.  I made a few more bucks and I got prepped for study (which I was super excited for).  Then the first of two studies that night got cancelled.  Great.  Then I go to the study I lead only to have 2 people show up, 1 of them being super late, when expecting 7.  I left there completely heart-broken and crushed.  I had put all this work into growing this study only to have to cancel.

Needless to say, I didn't sleep much last night.  I made a 11:30 PM run to the chapel to get all my frustrations out just wondering what more I could do, and searching for what more I could give.  I was up all night tossing and turning, racking my brain for the best way to get to these guys without completely killing myself.  I finally did fall asleep around 1, and when I woke up this morning, I still felt totally empty inside, like I had failed so badly to a point where I would never be able to get back up.

Then Jesus played the Jesus card and totally blew me away.  I shouldn't be surprised right?  I mean, Jesus is Jesus.  He can do whatever he wants.  Yeah, that had slipped my mind in the last 12 hours.  For the longest time, trusting in God has always been a roller coaster ride for me.  Some days, weeks, and months are great, but others aren't.  And while, for the most part, I can always look to God to take care of things, I never expected what he was going to do for me this morning.  One of my mission partners gave me this book.  Some of you may have it.  It's called "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young.  It's a 365 day devotional with a paragraph or two each day to help you have a conversation with God.  Here is the entry from today, November 20th...

"I am pleased with you, my child.  Allow yourself to become fully aware of My pleasure shining upon you.  You don't have to perform well in order to receive My Love.  In fact, a performance focus will put you away from Me, toward some sort of Pharisaism.  This can be a subtle form of idolatry: worshiping your own good works.  It can also be a source of deep discouragement when your works don't measure up to your expectations.  Shift your focus from your performance to My radiant Presence.  The Light of My Love shines on you continually, regardless of your feelings or behavior.  Your responsibility is to be receptive to this unconditional Love.  Thankfulness and trust are your primary receptors.  Thank Me for everything; trusting in Me at all times.  These simple disciplines will keep you open to my loving Presence."

Woof.  I was on the verge of the tears after the first sentence.  I stopped and thought back to a time last year when I was feeling the same way, and Jesus gave me Matthew 3:17 to ponder over. Check it out.  It's pretty good.  But this reflection totally changed my day.  The Holy Spirit put it on my heart to try again with the study.  I sent a text to all my guys telling them that we were going to try again tonight, and the response has been great.

So what's the point of this?  The point is that Jesus is always going to take care of you.  He doesn't care how big your discipleship chain is.  He doesn't care how many people are in your Bible study.  He cares about you and He knows that you're trying.  Jesus knows you are working your tail off trying to reach these men women and when a student chooses something else over study, He sees that.  He loves you anyway and He is so proud of you for working as hard as you can.  Your worth is not in numbers.  Your worth is not in your successes.  Your worth comes from being a son or daughter of God.  Don't forget that.  Jesus certainly doesn't.

In Christ,

Josh

Retreat Weekend

Retreats.  I have a very love/hate relationship with them.  I hate them leading up to the actual weekend, and then when I leave, I am on a high that I haven't experienced since the last retreat that I attended.  Lo and behold it happened again last weekend, and I think this retreat is the beginning of a change in attitude.

Bear Awakening.  UNC holds this retreat once a semester, and was originally slated for early October, but the Colorado floods forced us to postpone it until November.  To be honest, I did not want to staff this retreat.  I was bitter leading up to it, and when it got postponed, I was even more upset with the fact that I didn't get a chance to get it out of the way.  A ton of prep work and time out of an already busy schedule did not make for a happy Josh.

Then the weekend came.  And it was awesome.  I had never been on a retreat like this in all my life, and I was blown away.  The retreat, nicknamed BA, was student led all the way from the coordinators to the staffers.  The students gave the talks.  The students led discussions. The students did skits.  The students prayed their tails off.  I was incredibly impressed (shout out here to Jackson and Katie for coordinating this whole thing).

So why was I so blown away and why is my attitude changing?  One word: God.  God was so present over the weekend and the Holy Spirit, in particular, was dropping some major grace bombs throughout the weekend.  It started off poorly with retreaters getting lost and showing up late to the vast empty space of Wyoming, and some of the guys at my table just did not want to be there and that was very obvious. One guy was super pissed at God and another was just mad at everything.  The other guys in my group...just wouldn't talk.

Then Saturday came.  The men started to open up and share their lives with the rest of the table, and the emotions started pouring out.  Tears during talks.  Great discussions with the table.  Then it was time for adoration.  Jesus up there on the altar just pouring out His love for all of us there was incredible.  Watching people cry their eyes out not just in sadness, but in happiness as they rejoiced at the outpouring of love from God and their brothers and sisters with them.  The emotional roller coaster had started and was not ending any time soon.

Sunday was a continuation of the graces.  Jesus was loving on all of us so much and everyone was just so thankful for the time they spent and the sacrifices made to make the weekend amazing.  The retreat was a major success. But why was it so good for me? I wasn't actually on the retreat, just staffing.  I had already heard the talks and knew the questions to ask.  I knew what was coming and there were no surprises.

This is why it was awesome.  I got to spend my time just loving on my brothers.  The five guys in my family needed to be loved and I did that.  I can remember going into adoration trying to pray for some of the things on my mind, but it was very apparent to me that I needed to be spending my time doing something else: praying for my brothers and sisters. I spent the next hour and a half praying over the guys in my family, my teammates, and some of the guys I see on a daily basis.  I cried. They cried.  Amazing.

Retreats.  I'm beginning to love them.  It's a large sacrifice to make, especially when you are working on one, but the reward is so great.  I saw Jesus work through these students in ways that I never expected, and once again, He blew me away.  So my one word of advice if you are reading this is to go on a retreat.  It may be a sacrifice and it may be tough to make it work, but it will be so rewarding if you open your heart to Jesus.  Go.  You won't regret it.

In Christ,

Josh

Getting Distract...Wait What's That Over There???

It's 2013.  Distractions are everywhere.  It could be the latest new phone or tablet, music, sports, or the policies of a president that doesn't know his head from his ass (This reminds me of the scene from "A League of Their Own" when Tom Hanks is chewing out a player in the dugout and asks her where her head is, and then he answers his own question with "It's that lump that's three feet above your ass!"  Makes me laugh every time.  Ah good times).  Anyway, there are a lot of things that can grab our attention and take us away from, or dare I say it, lead us closer to God.  That may seem strange but let me explain.

So first, let's talk about how we let distractions get in our way.  There are millions of things going on around us at all times.  We have jobs, school, families, entertainment, politics, and a bunch of other things that vie for our attention.  And none of these things are in and of themselves bad.  You want to watch a movie or read the paper...great.  But it's when we let these things take away from our prayer and our duties as Christians that hurt us.  If we are not spending quality and quantity time in prayer, and let these other things dictate how we spend our time, then we are doing a disservice to God and to our relationship with Him.

But you know this.  Anybody that has ever tried to put in a holy hour knows all about distractions and the difficulties of  focusing on prayer.  Let's talk about what to do with those distractions.  The first is a distraction that is not of God.  So say you're praying with Scripture and focusing in on the sermon on the mount and all of the sudden you start thinking about lunch in an hour or have this vivid vision of the Stay Puft marshmallow man from Ghostbusters.  Yeah, probably not from God.  What you have to do at this point is ask God for the grace to take away the distraction so that you can turn your attention back to the passage and refocus on prayer.

But what about other distractions?  For example, I was reading this reflection this morning and it had to do with remaining in the presence of God throughout the week and trusting in Him to navigate everything that is going on.  Great!  However, I could not take my mind off Courtney.  See, we are starting to heavily discern our vocations and seeing if we are in the right place for the long haul, and when to get the ball rolling on an engagement and everything else that is involved (WOOF!!!). I had already spent some time praying on this earlier, but it just kept coming up and I was being "distracted."

This is what we call a good distraction.  God was placing this huge thing on my mind for a reason.  I tried fighting it off time and time again, but it kept popping up.  I have been told before that if something comes into your head three times during a holy hour, God probably wants you to pray on it.  In this case, Jesus was seeking out the greater good.  Yes, praying about staying in His presence is great, but Jesus wanted me to focus my attention on another thing, and that was this discernment process. This is just another example of the greatness of God.  I was trying to pray and focus on the relationship with Him, and He would rather have me thinking about Courtney and our relationship so that I could even more give it back to Him.  What a guy!

So to sum up, distractions are everywhere.  Some are good (discerning a vocation) and some are bad (worrying about the incompetence of our lousy president).  The trick is making sure you can distinguish between the two, and then following the greater good.  And don't get discouraged when you feel distracted and find it difficult to focus.  Jesus is allowing this to build you up.  If you can get over this hurdle, then Jesus will trust you with more and that's a great thing.  Trust that God knows what He is doing because you know...He's God.

In Christ,

Josh

Tearing Down Walls

Ever since I began this blog, it has always been for me.  I don't spend time in prayer journaling, so this is my opportunity to get things out that I tend to hold in, or just speak to what's on my mind.  I know some of you look forward to it, and read it pretty often and for that I thank you.  It's so awesome that my thoughts and words can be even the least bit inspirational to one person.  It really means a ton.  However, like I said before, this is for me, and that's why today, I'm getting a little bit vulnerable.

A week ago, I had an awesome conversation with my old team director and part of the conversation had to do with tearing down walls and letting Jesus come in and fix stuff that maybe I wanted to keep broken.  Lo and behold, a week later I had a pretty big wall torn down.  And while tearing down these walls may never be fun, it is always beneficial, and this morning was no different.

Rewind, a little bit.  This weekend was awesome.  I had two amazing Skype dates with the girlfriend and spent all day Sunday watching football with a couple of the students that are involved with BearCatholic.  And really for the first time, I got to spend a good amount of quality time with some of these guys and not have to talk about work, or Bible studies, or anything, but just talk about life and truly live life with these guys.  I think sometimes I get so wrapped up in building these men up that I forget that they like football.  I forget that they like having breakfast at 1 in the afternoon.  I forget that FOCUS is not the end, but merely just another piece in the lives of these men.

And the biggest grace, which actually brought me to tears in prayer and during my team check in, was this: I miss my girlfriend.  I know it sounds weird, especially if you know the situation.  We are nearly 700 miles and a time zone apart, and yet now, 3 months into the move, am finally missing her.  Well here is the thing: I wasn't letting myself miss her.  I put up this wall to be tough and strong through all of this because I knew she was missing me and had to be strong for her.  And this morning, I realized something.  That's a bunch of bullshit.  Why can't I miss her too?  Why do I have to be satisfied with 8 weeks apart and not seeing her?  Why do I have to be content with 3 phone calls a week and hardly any other time in between?  I don't and I won't.  I want and need more, and that's okay.  In fact that's great.

I know I am on a mission.  I have been on this mission with FOCUS for nearly a year and a half.  It started in Omaha, NE and will finish in Greeley, CO.  I have learned so much about evangelization and the Church, but more importantly, I've learned a ton about myself.  I went through a dating fast that tested me in ways I never expected, but came out of it, knowing that my vocation was to be a husband and father, and now I have the awesome opportunity of pursuing that.  It's hard.  Sometimes I look at other couples at mass or just on campus, and think to myself, "Wow, those two have no idea how lucky they are."  And it's true. Sometimes I get a little jealous.  Is that a bad thing?  Maybe.  All I know is that I am pursuing my vocation and at times, not doing a very good job of it.

In FOCUS, we talk all the time about vocations, and that's what our business is; helping students figure out what they're called to and following it with passion.  So why can't I do the same?  I know my vocation.  I think I have the right girl.  So why can't I chase after it with all I've got?  I am going to stop playing everything off as if it's okay.  I send a weekly email to my mission partners with nothing but cheery smiles and happiness.  I send out newsletters with the same stuff.  When my parents ask how things are going, it's always great.  That's a lie.  Things aren't always great. Our ministry is struggling.  We are having a hard time getting more guys involved, which is a problem since we have a lot graduating this year.  We struggle getting people to events.  And most importantly, the girl that I am choosing to love with all my heart isn't getting what she deserves.

So from this day forward, I'm making a resolution.  First, I am going to bust my ass doing everything I can for the mission, for the kingdom, and for UNC. I get paid to be here and work for God. I get to be His hands and feet and that is something that I cannot and will not take for granted.  But secondly, and most importantly, I'm focusing on me.  I will still strive to get my 50 point week filled, and still try and reach as many students as possible.  But if I'm having a bad day, or really miss Courtney, I'm making that my first priority.  I know and have learned throughout these last 3 months that when that relationship is lacking, my mission lacks.  My head just isn't in it. The pursuit of my vocation takes priority over the mission, and that's the way it should be.  We are all called to holiness, and to find that through the big V, and currently, I am not doing that as best as I can.

Vulnerable.  That is being vulnerable.  Putting myself and my thoughts and desires out there for others to read.  And I'm not trying to toot my own horn, but rejoicing in the gift that God gave me this morning in that grace.  I get to rejoice in my lowliness and praise God for a gift I didn't earn or even deserve.  And like I said, this blog is for me.  If you read this and it helped you...great.  That makes me happy.  If you read it, and didn't take anything from it...great.  I thank you for reading.  I thank you for sharing in my vulnerability.  And the last thing I want to say, is that this post may seem sad or depressing, but I assure you that it is not.  I rejoice in this fact because now I get to work on it. Jesus has placed another challenge in life, and the best part of realizing this is that now I get to start working to do better.  That's what we all really live for.  We find the bumps and get over them.  We find the rough patches and smooth them out.  And by the grace of God, we get better.  We move forward.  We grow in holiness.  Isn't that what all of this is about anyway???

In Christ,

Josh

P.S. Courtney, if you're reading this, I love you and miss you very much. 4 more weeks!

Writer's Block in the Chapel

Writer's Block.  I have it right now...badly.  I try my best to keep this blog up to date and make sure that I post every week.  It's actually one of my goals for the semester.  Lofty I know.  But as I sit here, thinking about what I want to write, and not getting anything, it reminds me of something...my prayer life.  For the last few weeks, it feels as if I have had writer's block in prayer.  And after Father's homily last night, I think I may know why.

In prayer, it gets so easy to see God as the 911 number.  And what I mean by this, is that we only go to Him when we need something.  We see God as someone that only answers prayers when we really need Him, and then we just go away.  And when the prayer doesn't get answered in the timely fashion we desire, we get upset, or start to lose a little bit of faith.  And slowly, that will actually destroy our relationship with God.

So what happens when we ask for something?  God can either say yes, say no, or wait.  So say you ask for God to give you a door for a new contact on your mission; you know someone to chat up and talk to about the faith.  And hours later, that happens.  Great!  Now don't stop there.  Go thank Him for the gift and give Him the praise that he so deserves for opening that door.

What if God says no.  I will use the same analogy Father used last night at mass.  Say you're back in your grade school days and you get home from school and you want a snack.  You call to your mom, "Hey mom, get me a snack!"  A half hour goes by...nothing.  You call to her again.  "Hey mom, get me a snack."  Another half hour goes by...nothing.  You now realize that your mom has denied your request.  But the thing is, it wasn't even a request.  It was a demand.  Just like your mother, God won't answer a command.  You need to make an ask, and even then, God may say no.  But why would He say no?  He loves you with all He has right?

Exactly.  God loves you more than your mother, your father, or even your significant other.  And with that being said, God knows what you need and don't need better than any of them and definitely better than yourself.  So what you may be asking for is not what God desires.  It may not be the best thing for you right now.  And when that happens, you have to evaluate what you are asking for, and ask God what He wants for you.  And if He gives you the grace to know what that is, then the next step is to ask for that, and God will certainly answer your prayer.

The last response that God can give you is silence.  This may be a tricky one.  You're asking for something and you feel as if you really need it, but you are just not hearing anything back.  God may be speaking but you may be too far away to hear it.  God desires so much more from you than just to answer your prayers.  He desires a relationship. There may be things you need and God wants to give them to you.  However, if you aren't close enough to Him, you won't hear Him.

That may sound like a terrible thing.  "Oh no, I am so far from God that I can't hear Him.  What am I going to do?!?!"  The answer to that question is to keep praying.  Because while you may be too far from God, I can assure you that He is never too far away from you.  You may have walls up that keep you from God, but God can see right through all those walls and directly into your heart.  Keep praying.  Keep asking God to show you exactly what walls need to be torn down, and then ask for the help to actually tear them down.  It won't be easy and it will take time, but it will bear fruit and you will draw closer to God.

I type this out so I can remember this myself.  I have my walls, and at times I am way too stubborn to ask God to help me tear them down.  I need to remind myself at times (and really all the time) that I can't do it by myself.  If I desire to truly draw closer to God, I have to put my pride in my pocket, and make the effort to ask Him for the help that I so desperately need.  So, if this helped you at all in any way, I would love to hear about it and help you in your own prayer.  I'm not perfect so I ask you to also pray for me.  Who knows? Maybe you'll ask for the one thing that I'm not, but the one thing that I really need.

In Christ,

Josh

Kid 'n' Play

Kid 'n' Play was a hip hop duo in the late 80's and early 90's best know for their killer beats and of course the high flat top fade that was worn by one of the members.  But this post isn't about that.  Sorry to all fans of Kid 'n' Play.  Are there still any left out there???  Anyway, today I will be talking about the childlike faith that is needed to enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

I was praying today with the Gospel, Matthew 18: 1-5,10, and it dawned on me that for the most part, I don't fit the description.  Jesus talks about having a childlike faith.  What does this mean?  Well, let's put it in a more human tone.  Little kids, when dad leaves home for work or wherever, are right there to wish him a good day and to show love.  It's the same when they get back.  So, how does this apply to the church?  Ask a 40 year old and a 4 year old what the Eucharist is.  You may get the same response, "it's Jesus."  But then ask them how.  How does that happen?  From the 40 year old, you get this, "Well through transubstantiation, Jesus comes down from Heaven and...well you know the rest."  From the 4 year old, here is what you get. "Jesus flies down from Heaven on his magic carpet, and because He loves us so much he shrinks himself down so much that he fits in a tiny piece of bread.  Then we get to eat it!"  Yeah, which one sounds better?  The 4 year old of course!

But why is that?  The difference between the 4 year old and the 40 year old is that the 40 year old believes while the 4 year old knows.  There really is a big difference in the two.  When you only believe in something, there is the possibility for doubt to creep in.  You start thinking to yourself if it is really true and then you start second guessing yourself and the church. But when you know, there is no room for doubt.  Another example: say you're in math class and taking a test.  If you only believe you know the answer, you have that feeling of whether your answer is right or wrong.  And that confusion may lead you to put down the wrong answer, even if in your heart, you thought your first answer was correct (trust me I've done this many times).  But if you know the right answer, then you will have no chance of putting down the wrong answer.  You will be absolutely certain that you are correct.

We have to be the same way with our faith.  So often, we hear something at mass or in a Bible study and think to ourselves, "is that really true?"  We struggle with taking things at face value.  We know that we are hearing truth, but as we get older we learn more and more, and we let that knowledge get in the way of true love for Jesus and his church.  Kids on the other hand, do not have the knowledge that we have as adults and when they hear something from a teacher or adult that they trust, they take it as face value.  They don't have anything else to get in the way.  And that is beautiful.

Be a kid.  In today's world we get so caught up in growing up that we forget to live in the present and we don't take the time to really appreciate what Jesus has and continues to give us.  We are constantly searching for the next thing, whether it be school or job or home or spouse, and we forget the one thing that stays constant and unchanging: Jesus.  Run to him like a child to his father and know that you are loved.

In Christ,
Josh

[Also, major thanks to all that have viewed or read this blog.  It's something that I do entirely for me, because I hate journaling and actually writing on paper, but the fact that you guys follow it and read it is really humbling.  Last week I had the most views on any post by far, and to see that was incredible.  So big thanks to you guys, and if you ever want me to write on a particular topic, please comment or let me know and I would be happy to give it my best.  Thanks again!!!]

My First Month Failure

One month into the new school year.  Outreach is still in full swing.  The multiple events that were held are over, and now it's time to start building up these students. Let's get them into Bible studies and let's start filling them up with the love of Christ.  Great!  I had my first study last week and I was beyond excited.  I was finally getting to the part of my mission that I'm good at...the teaching aspect.  I was finally going to be able to take 5 guys under my wing and lead them to Christ.  Then Wednesday came and only one guy showed up...

WHY?

Here is why only one of my contacts came.  I wasn't being relational.  Out of the 25 names on my list, I had only met a couple of them, and even when I was contacting them, it wasn't to hang out or go play basketball or grab lunch.  I was making the calls and without ever really knowing these guys, I was already inviting them into study.  I was going straight to the BUILD stage without ever winning them over.  I was assuming that the students had already been won over by a game of ultimate frisbee or life-size Mario Kart (yeah that actually happened), but they weren't.  Those events were just the first steps.  The winning process takes time and is vital to any ministry.

THE KEY POINT

I don't know about girls, but with guys trust is a huge thing.  In a Bible study, the men are asked to open up and share their thoughts and ideas on not only a particular subject within scripture, but are also asked to open up about their own lives, their own shortcomings and failures, and that can be really tough for guys.  We have this idea that we have to be closed up and can't let our true feelings show in order to be manly, but that is just the opposite. We have to be willing to open up to our fellow men if we ever want to become the men God wants us to be.  However, that isn't something that just happens immediately.  Like I said, it's tough for guys to do that.  So what do we do?  We must be relational with these men.  Hang out with them.  If a guy wants to be a gym rat and work out all day, go do it.  If you have a guy that loves music and just wants to chill in the dorm listening to Kayne (or whatever kids listen to these days) do it!  It may not be something you enjoy doing, but that is how you build that trust. And it is no overnight process.  It will take time and a ton of patience, but for your ministry to be the most fruitful, patience is needed to gain that trust.

I learned this the hard way this year.  I tried to cut some corners and go to the build without the win.  It didn't work.  And to be real honest, I'm not surprised.  I know that I wouldn't go to a study with someone I didn't know, let alone somebody I've never even met. So, if you can learn something from my failure in the first month of the year, it's this: be relational.  The WIN is just as key as the build in the sense that if you don't win a particular student over, you won't get the chance to build him/her up.  Take time getting to know these students inside and out before you try and fill them with Jesus.  It can be uncomfortable and awkward, but isn't eternity worth the awkwardness?

In Christ,

Josh

A New Hope

OK, so to start off, this post isn't about Star Wars, but if that is all you were looking for, please don't leave.  Please???

It's the start of a new year.  My first year as a missionary is finally in the books, and I have moved onto a new campus, a new state, and a new Josh.  I will be serving this school year in Greeley at the University of Northern Colorado.  Tear em up Bears!  (Am I doing that right???)  Anyway, I just wanted to write today in an attempt to shake off the cobwebs from the summer and to gear up for the new year.

Welcome Week is almost over and while I was busy with meetings, nightly events, and a long two weeks, I was able to really look at the past year and evaluate my first campaign as a missionary.  If I had one word to describe the last year, it would be...struggle.  But this is not a bad thing.  I struggled in many areas, and all of those struggles have led me to the humbling realization that I am nowhere near perfect and that I have a lot of work to do.  That could be a lot of pressure, but you know what I say to that?  Bring it on.  I learned so much from those struggles and found out things about myself that I never knew or thought were in the past.  Today, I just want to share two of those with you and how they will be a springboard for my next term as a missionary.

First, and foremost, is my own personal holiness.  In FOCUS we constantly push the Big 3 (chastity, sobriety, and excellence) and last year I failed miserably in all three. While I won't go into detail about them, I will say that each area was a stumbling block for me in my first year.  And when I failed, I pulled away from God.  I did not want to pray, and kept myself distant from God.  I went to mass, but was never really into it.  I was embarrassed and was full of self-hating thoughts about how I was not good enough or that I should not be a missionary.  Yeah, not typical things you hear from a missionary, but hey why not get them out into the open?

But what did I learn from all of this?  I learned that I wasn't telling God anything!  I kept all my thoughts, feelings, and desires from Him and therefore did not let the divine physician come in with His scalpel and...other medical tools (I don't know, I'm not a doctor) and let him do work.  Jesus not only wants us at our best, but even more he wants us at our worst.  And last year, I kept him from those places so often, that I was rarely able to give Him my best.  This year, I hope to lay all of my struggles out on the table with Jesus and let him take care of them all, and I invite you to do the same.  Felling crappy?  Not able to get over the hump and move forward from a particular sin?  Give it to Jesus...and I mean really give it to Jesus.  None of this ho-hum, "yeah Jesus I guess you can work on this if you want..."  No!  Let go of it and let the Son of God take over.

Next, the mission.  Now, those of you that know me, know that I am an introvert and outreach can be one of the toughest things for me.  Jesus gave me a great gift to teach and I'm great at that, but when it comes to outreach...well let's just say I can get pretty awkward.  Last fall, I did not let myself really let go and put myself out there in order to save souls.  And I suffered.  I was only able to reach a small number of students and while I love them to pieces, I missed a ton of people and I will have to answer for that. Students at UNO missed an opportunity to be evangelized and to know Jesus because I was too afraid of failure.  That cannot happen.

Here is the learning point.  I've heard it so many times in the last year, but yes eternity is worth the awkwardness.  Not just my eternity, but the salvation of those around me.  It may be tough for me to walk up to someone I don't know and start a conversation, but hey, maybe that person has no idea who Jesus is, and when he finally meets him, the person becomes the next pope. A stretch? Maybe.  But you will never know if don't put yourself out there.  And if the person thinks you're crazy and dismisses the idea of the Catholic Church as a whole...well at least you can say you tried and that burden does not have to weigh on your shoulders.  So this year, I am making a resolution to put myself out there even if I just end up standing there with my hands in pockets like a goof.

A new hope.  Feels good.  Last year is behind me and all of the struggles, mistakes, and poor decisions are in the past.  That's the beauty of the church.  When we fail, we get a new start.  Jesus loves us so much that every single time we move in the wrong direction, he forgives us and we get to get back on the right track.  But it is not enough, just to seek forgiveness. We must seek holiness. We must seek sanctity.  We must seek perfection.  None of us deserve Heaven but what we can rely on is the mercy and goodness of Our Lord to get us over the roadblocks that lie in wait.  Don't let your past define you. You're better than that.

In Christ,
Josh

Wendy Davis, You are No Hero

So for those of you that are not informed of what has taken place in Texas, let me update you quickly.  A bill was introduced to the Texas Senate that would have banned abortions after 20 weeks and would have most likely closed a large majority of the abortion mills in the state.  Senator Wendy Davis attempted to filibuster the bill but after three times going off topic, her efforts were finished.  However, her cohorts in the Senate continued to argue with parliamentary inquiries until they were blue in the face.  After those were put to rest, the crowd (that never should be allowed in the room in the first place) cheered until the time ran out and the bill was taken off the table.  Another loss for the pro-life groups across the country.

I stayed up until nearly 1:30 Eastern time watching, thinking about, and praying for this bill to pass.  And I have to say that I was rather disgusted at what took place.  I understand that people are misinformed and do not really know what they are cheering/voting for so let me fill those people in: you are cheering for death.  When those men and women in the chamber room were cheering and chanting for Wendy and her friends, they were cheering for the deaths of tens and hundreds of thousands of innocent children.  There is no other way to look at it. Abortion is murder whether it is in the 20th week or in the first day, and those that opposed the bill are explicitly voicing their opinions that this is okay.  America had a great opportunity last night to take a step in the right direction after so many were taken backwards and they failed.  They did not fail us as citizens, but they failed the many many lives that will be taken before they even get a chance to breathe their first breaths of the air that fill this great country.

With this filibuster and with today's news that DOMA was ruled unconstitutional and Prop 8 was taken off the table, I get very upset at where this country is headed.  We have people, possibly your next door neighbors, that are completely fine with not only being responsible for the murder of children, but for the breakdown of the family as a whole.  It may not be entirely their fault though.  The mainstream media and those that we call "celebrities" are all in favor of the culture of death and fill our heads with this junk every single day.  It's a miracle that we all are not in favor of this garbage.  And that gives me hope.  I know that God knows what He is doing.  He has a plan that is bigger than one court ruling in one state in country in the entire world.  It just gets very hard to trust sometimes, and the fact that this culture is so hell bent on death does not make it any easier.  However, as Christians we need to fully place our trust in God that something good will come of this.

Right is right even if nobody is doing it, and wrong is wrong even if everybody is doing it.  And maybe I will ruffle some feathers by saying this but I believe it needs to be said.  Wendy Davis and those that are in favor of the murder and absolute destruction of babies are wrong and should not be happy about what they accomplished.  Ms. Davis you are no hero even though you are being praised as a God by those that do not even believe in a higher power.  And I continue to pray for those that are still waiting to be told the truth and take ownership of that.  Our country right now is afraid of responsibility, afraid of accountability, and afraid of the truth.  But my trust is in God who never fails, who is always accountable, who is always loving, and holds me to the same standards.

So to sum up my rant here, I just have to say that while I am disappointed in what took place over the last 12 hours, I still have a lot of hope.  I have a lot of hope that good will come of this.  And to my pro-life brothers and sisters that may not totally agree with some of the things that I am saying, I apologize.  But please know that I am putting my trust and my faith in God and not in our government.  When push comes to shove, know that I will be standing with you arm in arm dying in a prison before I take the life of one innocent child so that my life can be convenient and comfortable.  Peace.

In Christ,

Josh

Sufferin Succotash!

Suffering: it sucks.  We all experience suffering in some way.  Some of us deal with financial difficulties, problems with a terrible boss at work, or maybe you have been searching for that one person in the world that is going to the be the Juliet to your Romeo or vice versa.  Whatever the case may be, we all go through some sort of suffering in our lives.  And from this, we can go two directions.  We can let it rule our lives and make us miserable, or we can tackle it head on...but not in the way that you would think.

Psalm 37 asks the question, "Why do the wicked prosper and the good suffer?"  Good question.  In our present day society, we see many examples of the wicked prospering while we sit in our suffering.  That jerk in accounting just got a raise, while you bust your hump and get nothing.  Or the captain of the football team gets another award and praised by the whole school while you get a 4.0 and still nobody knows who you are.  These are all "first world" examples of suffering, but let's take a look at what this Psalm tells us about true suffering.  God tells us that we have to "wait for him" (Psalm 37:7).  I don't want to wait.  "The poor will inherit the earth" (37:11).  I sure as heck don't want to be poor.  "The righteous one is generous and gives" (37:21).  I want to keep my stuff.  And the good "may stumble" (37:23).  Yeah, I want to stand upright on my feet.  All these things are going to happen to those who strive for righteousness.  It is inevitable.  But, it is what we do with this suffering that truly matters.

Picture a timeline.  This timeline reaches from the beginning of the world, to the very end.  OK got it?  Now, try and find your short lifespan on there.  You can't.  The time we have here on earth is so minute that you would never be able to place it on a timeline.  So, as a human being, I should probably make good with the time that I have.  There are a ton of good things we can do in our time, but today we continue with the theme of suffering.  What can I do with my suffering that will make an impact?  This may sound obvious and trivial, but offer it up!  And there are so many things for which you can offer your suffering.  It could be for drought or the end to abortion or for the wars all over the world.  OR...or you could offer it up for that guy who got the raise in accounting.  OR...or you could offer it up for that football player that got all the recognition.  If it is the wicked that are prospering and receiving all the praise and glory, then they probably could use those prayers and there is nothing more honorable on this earth than to suffer for the kingdom of God and His people...all of His people.

We all suffer.  Now, the suffering that we experience in this lifetime is nothing like the hardships that Peter and the rest of the apostles went through.  I can walk down the street proclaiming that I am a Christian to anyone and yeah, I might get some strange looks, but my life is never in danger.  Some of you reading this may have never had to face any real suffering.  I know I sure didn't when I was younger.  Things came easy to me.  I got good grades and was halfway decent at throwing a baseball and had a good group of friends around me.  But in an instant all that can be taken away, and what remains is the opportunity to build a relationship with God.  Take that opportunity!  If we just let our problems sit on the skin instead of offering them up to the divine healer, they eventually will get infected.  And after that, the infection starts to spread and impact other parts of your body.  We cannot let that happen to our souls.  They are far too precious and important to let anything happen to them.  So we need to stop trying to save our own souls and fix our own problems and let Jesus do it.  He's better at it anyway.

In Christ,
Josh

Christ in College

College.  It's the most important 4, well maybe ...ok 6 years of your life. You come in at the ripe young age of 18 and hopefully you leave by the time you are 30 with a degree in hand.  And hopefully you can actually find a job with said degree.  Having these goals are great.  As Americans we all strive to live that American dream. We want to have a great job, start a family, and make enough money so that the golf course becomes your second home when you hit the age of 70.  But what about your faith?  What goals do you have to sustain and build your relationship with Christ and his Church?  These questions should be just as important, if not more important than the major you end up choosing.  Well today, I am going to give you some tips for making the faith your own when you leave the nest.

The first step is choosing the right school.  There are all kinds of schools around; teaching schools, nursing schools, tech schools and all of them have great qualities.  But the Christian culture of the school needs to factored in as well. Is there a church on campus?  What about a Newman Center?  Is there at least a good Catholic community around?  If the answers to these questions are yes, then go for it!  For me, having these types of things on my campus was huge in my coming back to the faith.  Without the Newman Center at the greatest college in the world (the University of Nebraska-Lincoln in case you were wondering) along with the greatest people in the world, I may have never found my way back to the faith.  So do yourself a favor and ask yourself those questions before you decide on a school.

OK so you chose to go to a school with all of these things.  Great, now what???  USE THEM!  Colleges do not have Newman Centers and Catholic churches on campus so they can sit empty.  Get your butt over there and pray.  "But Josh, you don't understand.  I have 3 tests this week and 4 papers and 19 projects.  How am I going to find time to get a holy hour in?"  I lived the college life.  Unless you are triple majoring in Chemistry, Biology, and Physics, you are not that busy.  The college schedule always allows for free time.  It's up to you as to how you are going to spend that free time.  You can party.  You can watch TV.  You can hang out with friends.  But what about building your relationship with Jesus?  All he wants is some time with you.  Go hang out with Jesus.  Do your homework in the chapel.  Whatever you have to do to get even 30 minutes with Jesus, do it!  Because as St. Josemaria Escriva so famously says, "When you approach the tabernacle, remember that he has been waiting for you for twenty centuries." The least you can do is give him some of your time.

"Alright Josh, so I picked a nice Catholic college and I'm praying and going to mass and doing all of those things.  What's next?"  What's next?  Go spread the good news!  The Catholic faith is an absolute gift from God and by holding it in for yourself, all you are doing is being selfish and doing a disservice to others.  There are literally tens and hundreds of thousands of college students on campuses all over the country that are thirsting for truth.  Go give it to them!  Now, you can't go beat someone over the head with a Bible or start condemning them for their sins.  Just go love them.  It's really that simple.  Go live your life with someone else and the love of Christ that is radiating through you will rub off on them.  I guarantee it.  It may be a little scary to go out and evangelize (I know.  I know.  Catholics hate the E-word).  This is why the community of Catholic students that I mentioned earlier is so very important.  You are going to meet people in college that are not Catholic.  It's inevitable.  Your task is to bring them in.  They will probably be reluctant to go to mass or a Bible study right off the bat, but bring them to a movie night or a dance, or anything else that is being held.  The relationship with that particular person is far more important than the "rules" at the start.  Love them like people loved me in college and who knows, maybe they end up becoming a FOCUS missionary...

College is hard.  You have homework.  You have tests. You may have a job.  It is a lot to juggle when you start those 4, 5, or 6 years. But if there is one piece of advice that I can give you, it is that you should truly consider making the faith your own.  Find people that are going to help you get the ball rolling.  If you still haven't decided on a school, look for ones that are FOCUS campuses.  Those schools have teams of four or more people that have the job of helping you find your faith.  And when you find the faith, don't hold it in.  Share it with others and God will fill you up more abundantly than you ever imagined. 

Peace and love,
Josh

Relate It!

It is certainly no secret that men do not like to talk about their feelings, especially when those feelings revolve around something that may make them feel embarrassed or vulnerable.  Guys would much rather bottle it up and push it down to the inner depths of their core, where for the most part it remains hidden.  But what happens then?  Does the issue go away?  No!  It festers as if it were a zit on the chin of a freshly 16 year old kid who is about to ask out the girl of his dreams.  It may take hours, days, weeks, or even months but eventually that thing is going to blow.

This is exactly the sort of situation that Jesus wants us to avoid, and not just every once in awhile but all the time!  We all battle certain issues and have our very own crosses to carry everyday.  And you know what, sometimes those crosses feel nearly impossible to carry and we feel as if the whole world is going to crash down on top of us. But Jesus tells us that he wants to help.  He wants to help us carry that cross just as Simon of Cyrene did for him nearly 2,000 years ago. "For my yoke is easy and my burden is light" (Matthew 11:30).  God wants to be there for every single time you feel sad, hurt, angry, scared, embarrassed, or any other emotion that comes to mind.  He wants to enter into those dark places and shine light on them so that he can heal them.

OK so what happens to us when we don't relate those things to Christ; when we do not let him enter into the dark places of our very soul?  Remember, Jesus is the PERFECT gentleman and will not go there unless you open the door.  Here is what happens.  At first, you may feel fine.  Those feelings of anger or sadness may go away for a short while.  Great. However, when this happens over time those dark places get filled up.  It is very much like a landfill that eventually reaches capacity with all the garbage that we place down there.  And what happens over time, is that there must be some sort of release and this happens in a variety of ways.  It could be expressed through external noise such as music or TV or sports, which are good things, but can be a giant mask for the problem that is lying underneath.  And even then the problem is not yet resolved, which can lead to more self-destructing habits such as drugs and alcohol.  And when it comes to this, you are not only harming yourself but putting those around you in dangerous and uncomfortable situations, all while your original problem is not yet resolved.

So what does Jesus want us to do when something is off, when something is just not quite right?  He wants us to tell him!  Jesus loves us in our brokenness and wants to heal those places at the very root! Think of your best friend or your significant other.  You know them so well that you can instantly tell when something is not right, when something is just a little bit off.  And how does that make you feel?  You want to help them!  You want them to come to you because you want to resolve whatever issue is going on inside.  Jesus is the same way except so many times more!  Jesus wants to hear your problem and better yet, being the divine physician that he is, he can heal that wound.  He can dig around in there, fix the break, and close up the wound leaving no scars.  But it is up to us to give him that opportunity.

Tell Jesus your problems.  Relate everything to him.  And do not hold anything back.  I mean, really, he knows you better than you do.  Jesus knows everything that is going on inside that mess of a head that we all have and wants nothing more than to figure everything out.  So let him.  The consequences are far too serious if we don't.  You harm yourself.  You break bonds with people that truly care about you, and you put yourself in a very scary place.  As my boss always tells me...be clear, simple, and easy with Jesus.  After that, the rest is well...clear, simple, and easy.

My First Year

Being a missionary is hard.  You are asked to go to a brand new place to work with a team of three or more people that you do not know to talk to students you do not know about someone that they may or may not know (Hint...it's Jesus).  Being a missionary is awesome.  You get to travel to a new campus, receive new brothers and sisters in teammates, build life long friendships with students and strengthen your own relationship with Christ.  So, being that this is my last week on campus of my first year as a missionary, I thought I would hit on a couple key highlights from the year.

THE MISSION

When I got to campus, I was scared to death.  I am the ultimate introvert and now I was being asked to meet students that I did not know with the intention of building them up with Christ.  OK take a deep breath Josh. It's going to be alright.  You can do this.  And lo and behold I did!  I got the opportunity this year to work with many amazing men that, over the course of the school calendar, really started to understand and begin to form their own personal relationship with Christ and His Church.  I watched boys become men right in front of my very eyes, and that has been a gift that I could not have received without taking this job.  I still remember the first Bible study and after I asked a question, all I heard was the sound of crickets.  But in our last book study of the year, I could ask a question and let the guys run with it.  And even though, I will not be around in the coming years to watch the continued growth, I could not be more excited to see how those men set the campus on fire!

THE DATING FAST

For those of you that don't know, all first year missionaries are required to go on a dating fast for their first year on staff.  Yeah, I was not cool with that.  I remember praying about it and telling Jesus, "Lord please make this dating fast go away."  But, it was never a prayer that I wanted to be answered immediately, because I knew that during this fast I was going to learn something that was worth knowing. I struggled at first.  Oh boy did I struggle!  I felt like I was falling for every girl I met on campus and emotional chastity was being tested extremely hard.  But I got through it.  I kept fighting the good fight and to be real honest, this fast has been the biggest blessing of my first year on staff.  I have learned more about women than at any other time in my life.  I used to look at all women as a potential soulmate instead of looking of them as first a sister in Christ.  And as the dating fast comes to an end, I have learned invaluable lessons and gained the tools to make "the dating game" a lot less scary.

THE RELATIONSHIP WITH CHRIST

I thought I had a pretty good relationship with Christ when I got to campus.  I went to mass multiple times a week (when I could).  I prayed on a regular basis (when I could).  Yeah, I would say that Jesus and I were pretty tight.  I had no idea what I was in for this year.  I had never prayed holy hours on a daily basis and never went mass every day until I got to training and then to campus.  Jesus blew the doors wide open again.  It was almost as if I was a 20 year old kid sitting in front of the Eucharist at conference just a few years back.  Jesus showed to me wounds that I thought were healed and revealed himself to me more than I ever could have dreamed.  My personal relationship with Christ has been strengthened so much and I have come to know him better than I ever have, and that...that is something that I can take with me not just to my campus next year but to the relationships that I continue to make and will continue to build throughout the rest of my life.

Missionary life is almost never easy.  You get pulled in a million different directions everyday.  You fundraise your own salary.  The comforts of your past life get reduced to very minimum.  You give up a lot.  But you receive so much more.  You gain brothers and sisters in Christ, the tools to have those tough conversations about the faith, and most importantly a renewed love for Christ and His Church.  So my PSA to anyone in college that is looking for something after graduation or who wants to make an impact on the world, think about FOCUS.  Discern it!  Prayerfully consider applying for staff.  And if you are fortunate enough to get the call like I did, don't turn it down. It will be the best decision you could ever make.  It was for me.

Doubting Thomas

Thomas.  A disciple.  A follower of Jesus.  A doubter.  I always feel bad when people talk of Thomas as "The Doubting Thomas" because this was a man who in reality, gave his life to Christ, gave up everything he had at home to follow him and his teachings, and yet we almost always refer to him in this way.  In John 20:24-29, we see the story behind the nickname and on the surface, and we can all think to ourselves, "Yeah, shame on you Thomas."  However, when we really look into the passage and think our own lives, we all can put ourselves in his place.

What do I mean?  Well, let's go back to the story.  Thomas needed to see to believe.  In verse 25, Thomas says to the other disciples that, "unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands and put my finger into the nailmarks and put my hand into his side, I will not believe."  Jesus swings by the house.  Thomas has the opportunity to do just that, and he comes to believe that Christ is risen.  Jesus then tells them that blessed are those who have not yet seen and still believe.  And even though that seems like a daunting task, it gives me hope knowing that even one of the greatest disciples doubted the risen Christ.  So, I asked myself the question, where do I doubt?

This came up in my prayer the other day and it was a profound experience to say the least.  As some of you may know, my job with FOCUS was not all that popular with my parents when I came on staff.  I had heard stories of missionaries' parents that had radical conversions over their time with FOCUS, but in the back of my head I never thought that it could happen.  At summer training, I vividly remember a conversation with Christ and him telling me not to worry about my family because he was taking care of it.  And even then, I still could not fully trust in his healing power.  Then things started to change.

Throughout the year, I have seen first hand how God has worked in my family.  I have had multiple opportunities to talk about not just my job but about my faith with my immediate family, and lo and behold, they were interested!  They truly cared about the work I was doing and are continually interested!  But the biggest thing happened last week.  I was on the phone with my dad and I was talking to him about possible placements for next year, and he was cool with all of them and supported any decision I, myself,  or FOCUS made in that department.  But here is the kicker. At the end of the conversation, my dad tells me that he was going to pray for whatever I needed.  Wait...what?!  My dad said he was going to PRAY for me.  You're kidding right?!  This drove me nearly to tears and I was so incredibly joyful to hear those words come from his mouth.

But to bring it full circle, as I was praying with this particular passage on Tuesday, I remembered that conversation with my dad and put it all in perspective.  Jesus told me last summer that he was going to take care of my family.  He told me that.  How did I respond?  I did not put all my trust in God at that time, and yet he came through.  Now, I don't expect my dad to take my mom to mass every Sunday or start praying a daily rosary but God is working!  He is converting the hearts of those closest to me even when I did not believe he could!

The point of the story is that yes, over time there will be instances where we doubt the power of God, where we do not put all of our trust in his saving and healing love.  But do not get discouraged, because when you think something is impossible or too hard or not important enough for Christ, we must remember that all things are possible for Christ.  And not only that all things are possible, but nothing is too small or unimportant for him.  All we need to do is put our trust in him and let him do the heavy lifting.  He will surprise you just as he continually surprises me.

The Masters and Prayer..Wait What?

As many you of know, today is the start of The Masters, the most prestigious golf tournament in the country (go Tiger!) and the unofficial start of Spring.  Golf...it is a game of extreme courage, endurance, and especially patience, and one of our country's greatest pastimes.  Great.  So how does that relate to prayer?  Well, I had the great opportunity on Tuesday to hear a talk from one of the deacons in our Archdiocese on this topic of prayer.  He likened it to golf in that whenever you talk to someone about their golf game, they will tell you that they are not good and have room for improvement.  They may be good in one area, but rarely put the whole thing together.  You hear the same thing about prayer.  Ask someone about their prayer life and they will tell you that they are not very good or that they do not have the time to sit down and do it. But unlike golf, prayer is not something that you do.  It's something you enter into.  It's something you experience.  And if you implement those three key aspects of your golf game (courage, endurance, and patience) into your prayer life, I guarantee you will do...better.

COURAGE
 Prayer takes courage. In fact, it takes a lot of courage.  Much like the golfer that has to decide to go for it when he would rather lay up, we have to go for it in our own prayer lives.  As Christians, we MUST have the courage to be explicit when we enter into prayer.  We have to be able to tell Jesus EVERYTHING.  Don't hold back.  You know that place deep down inside where you hurt the most?  For your prayer life to be the most full and to have that place healed, you have to open it up to Jesus.  In fact, that is exactly where he wants to go, but Jesus is the perfect gentleman and will not go there unless you open that door for him.  So be courageous.  Be explicit. Tell him what is on your mind and never hold anything back. I mean...he already knows what you need better than you do...

ENDURANCE
You can't win a golf tournament in one round.  It takes putting together four solid rounds to take home the green jacket on one of the toughest courses in the world.  We have to do the same in our prayer life.  Be vigilant.  Keep running to Jesus with your arms wide open because he is at the end waiting for you.  Jesus wants to answer your prayers, but it may take a few times.   Why?  Because what Jesus ultimately desires for you is a relationship.  If he answered every prayer the first time, it would be easy for us to see him as just a means to an end.  "Jesus I need help with this test."  You get an A.  "Jesus, I can't seem to find a job."  The very next day the big law firm calls you and offers you a spot.  While these things do happen, it is not all that likely. We must endure and keep going back to Jesus with the same things.  And this is not just when you do not get an answer.  For those times when you are praying with a particular passage and something really sticks out at you, go back to it!  He is trying to tell you that there is something there.  The last thing you want to do is keep it on that surface level.  Endure.  Go deeper.  Let Jesus penetrate those inner most depths of your heart.

PATIENCE
In the game of golf, patience is so very key.  A golfer has to be patient in his game.  Nobody picks up a club the first time and is a scratch golfer.  It takes time to really master the game.  This is the hardest for me.  Patience is a lot like endurance.  The difference though is that endurance is active.  Patience is passive.  "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still" (Exodus 14:14). Being still is one of the hardest things that we face in this day and age where everything is instant.  Our messages come over the internet and now to our phones. We can hop on a plane in the morning and be halfway around the world by night.  But we have to find time to be still.  The voice of God is magnified in the silence.  Take some time everyday to be silent in the Lord and surely you will begin to hear his voice. When you are patient, things become more clear, and over time, those things in your life that seem dark and distant will begin to light up and become very near to you.  But it does require patience.  I have been trying so very hard to get out of the habit of always talking in prayer, and trying to take some time to let Jesus speak to me.  Sometimes, it takes a couple minutes and sometimes it takes a few months.  I am still waiting for answers to prayers that I voiced at the beginning of the school year. But, I know that if I remain patient, those prayers will be answered.  Yours too.

Golf and prayer. So incredibly different, yet so incredibly similar.  Be courageous. Endure. Be patient.  Those three simple acts will not only help you shoot a lower score than your boss on a Friday afternoon, but they are essential to the life of your relationship with God.  You can move forward in your prayer life or you can move backward. There is no middle ground.  So, take these 3 action steps and apply them to your own relationship with God and see where He takes you!

Metanoia

So last night, I'm sitting at mass listening to Father's homily and he starts talking about conversion and that this word translates into another word, "metanioa."  Meta=mind and noia=outside.  Outside of the mind.  And Father likens this to having your mind blown.  So, conversion is having your mind blown.  Ok Father, I got it, but that got me thinking about the time I had my mind blown in this sense, and about the time when I had my conversion.  So, today I thought that I would share that story with you.

It all really goes back to when I was a youngster.  I grew up in the faith, a cradle Catholic, you may say, but only in the fact that I was baptized and confirmed in the Church.  The faith was never that important to me and I never went to church but I would have always considered myself a Catholic.  Fast forward to high school.  I was dating an amazing Lutheran girl and I loved this girl...or so I thought.  The relationship was impure and unchaste and was of a very utilitarian manner.  It continued on this way into college...and then I started partying.  I was living the life of a college kid, partying and hooking up with my girlfriend like it was no big deal.  So, for the first time in my life I was not just staying away from my faith, but was now pulling myself further from it.

Well that particular relationship ended and it seemed as if my whole world came crashing down.  I had always seen myself marrying this girl, becoming Lutheran and being a rock star teacher.  And now that girl was gone.  I didn't have her and to be real honest, I wasn't sure if I wanted to even be in school anymore.  That summer was a struggle of partying, trying to find the next girl, and through all of that, through all of that time spent trying to define myself by who surrounded me and by what I was doing, I was finding a very hard time trying to figure out who I was.  But towards the end of the summer and into that fall of my Junior year of college, I met another amazing woman.  Little did I know that this was going to be the start of my "metanoia."

She was Catholic. She attended the Catholic high school in Lincoln and was not going to the University of Nebraska-Lincoln, and was definitely living the faith in her daily life.  We started dating in the fall and in this time, she would invite me to mass and I remember her one time asking me if I wanted to go, and I responded with, "It's Tuesday.  There is no mass on Tuesday."  To which she told me, "Oh no, they have mass on Tuesdays too!"  Great, now I am going to mass outside of my Sunday obligation.  But when I went with her, mostly for the opportunity to hold hands during the Our Father and just to spend another hour with her, I finally started listening.  And by the grace of God, it all started to finally make sense.  It was like the priest was up there speaking directly the holes in my own heart.  So, I decided to take ownership of this new feeling.  I started going to mass every Sunday and praying from time to time.  I even took the liberty to go into the box and receive the sacrament of reconciliation for the first time in 7 years!

But like most good things, my relationship with this girl came to an end as well, and I was kind of left hanging.  She was my in!  So, for the next 2 weeks or so I was kind of doing the Catholic thing, but I got a call from her and she invited me to a conference being put on in Denver, CO.  I was pretty skeptical, so I talked not only to her about it, but I talked to another friend that was going and also to a missionary named Jim at UNL.  I decided to dive in and take the risk, and at 4:30 on a Friday morning I was on a bus headed to Colorado.

This weekend, a conference put on by the Fellowship of Catholic University Students, rocked my world.  There were talks, mass, fellowship with other students, but the one thing that really got to my heart was the Saturday night adoration session.  For two and a half hours, I sat in adoration of our Lord Jesus Christ.  I had been to adoration before, but this time was different.  This time I finally got it.  That is Jesus up there on the altar.  Not bread, not a wafer, but Jesus himself, fully divine placing himself in a small piece of unleavened bread.  I started crying.  I cried and I cried and I cried.  With 1500 other people around I cried, and these were tears of joy.  The tears came from the feeling that for all this time, partying and chasing girls, Jesus was there waiting for me up on the altar just for me.  Just to hear from me and for me to give him a chance.  Jesus is the perfect gentleman and was never going to impose, but when I opened that door just a little bit, he blew the doors off the hinges.

So I was back.  I was finally living the faith for the first time in my life.  I was putting in holy hours and going to mass multiple times a week. I evened joined a Bible study!  But the most important part was that I finally felt at home for the first time in a long time.  And again, my plans of being an educator in the classroom were up in the air.  But not because of a lack of want, but because God had something better in store for me.  He wanted me to become a missionary.  I fought it.  Oh yeah I fought it (just ask Jim)!  But I went and interviewed, came back home, was told no, told to go back and interview again, fought it...again, went back, interviewed, was told yes the next day and accepted the best job I have ever had.  I am just finishing up my first year on campus and I know that God has placed me exactly where I need to be.

That's my story.  That's what has happened to me over the last 2 and a half years.  But the point of sharing it is to inspire.  We all have stories of conversion, and we need to share these stories.  I have been blessed to hear the testimonies of around 100 people and each time I am floored.  The stories of God becoming the focal point in one's life are the reason I do what I do.  I remember being at SEEK this year and seeing a girl from high school that I knew.  My first thought was, "Wow, I did not expect to see her here."  And the second was, "I bet there is a story there."  Stories are how the faith gets passed on from generation to generation.  Just look at Scripture, it is one long story.  I know that you have your own story.  Go share it.  Look for an opportunity to share with someone how God has impacted your own life.  You never know, you may just open for the door for God to write a story for someone else!

Stand Up

Hey guys, so I missed last week due to a short mission trip in the Big Apple, but I am back at it today with a little bit of a rant.  As you may or may not know, today is the day that the Same-Sex Marriage cases are going to court.  There are a bunch of details that are being discussed and looked over but the basic idea that is being combed over is whether or not same-sex marriages should be legal.  (By the way, I won't use the word "gay" in this post because that is a term that I feel defines a person, and nobody should be labeled based on their sexuality).

I woke up today and checked Facebook like most people do, and one of the first things that I, and probably most of you noticed were the insane number of red equal signs plastered all over my news feed is support of same-sex marriage.  OK great, you support same-sex marriage.  You're wrong and you don't really get it, but if you want to show that you support it, that's fine.  But the thing that really bugged me the most was the lack of red crosses and Facebook posts about standing up for what is true and beautiful, and that my friends is traditional marriage.  One mom.  One dad.  The way God intended it to be.

Now, you may be thinking to yourself, what's the big deal?  Why get so upset about someone not changing their profile picture to a red cross?  And you're right, it's not something to get all worked up about, but it paints a bigger picture of the status of our faith right now. I think the Catholic church and the Christian faith as a whole does a pretty good job of speaking for our beliefs on our behalf and doing really BIG things, but the problem does not lie within the big institutions.  The problem lies within each one of us.  "But Josh I went to the March for Life.  I went to World Youth Day.  I did something.  I stood up for truth!"  Yes, yes you did and thank you for that, but at the same time, at these events you can be protected by the church and have the ability to hide yourself away from the public that wants to tear you down at your inner most core.  The real heroes are the ones that expose themselves to the individual people that want to rip them apart.

I think so often individuals are afraid of what other people think of them that when it comes down to issues like same-sex marriage and abortion, we find it so easy to just go with the flow.  It is just so easy to just be quiet instead of ruffling some feathers.  NEWSFLASH!  We are not  here to just be nice people.  We are not here to be politically correct and just do whatever the mainstream does. We are here to be beacons of light for Christ, and by hiding the truth from someone that has a different opinion than you, truly you are not being that beacon and are doing a disservice to that other person.  If you have a friend that thinks 2+2 equals 5 you surely wouldn't let them go on thinking that until they get embarrassed by someone greater telling them otherwise.  It's the same thing in this situation.  By letting our brothers and sisters walk around with a false idea of what is true, we let them walk around being totally wrong about how the world works.  But by telling them the truth, we give them an opportunity to accept or reject it.  And if they reject it, well...God have mercy on their souls.  But at least you tried, and that is all that matters.

So basically what I am trying to get through is the fact that we have to stop being quiet.  We have to stop sitting back while our brothers and sisters continue to spread the wrong message.  We cannot wait for the church or some other group to speak up for us, but we have to take ownership and do it ourselves.  Jesus didn't call us to be tolerant of our neighbor, but to love our neighbor.  And by keeping the truth to yourself, you are certainly not loving your neighbor.  Pope Francis can't speak to your friend across the hall but you can.  So stop being politically correct and start speaking the truth.  (Mic Drop)

Our Day

Simply put, March 13, 2013 was our day.  It was a day in which the eyes of the entire world were fixated upon a tiny balcony in a tiny square in the middle of Rome.  It was a day in which media outlets from all over the world had but one thing to talk about...Pope Francis.  Talk of the sequester and other economical difficulties were on the back page.  I couldn't tell you who won a single basketball game, and when I went into my favorite hipster coffee shop today (which probably hasn't seen a prayer in years) sitting right on the counter was the local paper with our Holy Father's face plastered right on top.  March 13th was our day.

It started out like any other Wednesday.  We had our team meeting in the morning, which was followed by mass and time on campus.  But I remember myself being very distraught and sort of upset.  About what, I could not tell you, but there was a feeling of discontent hanging over me.  So, like any good missionary, I prayed about and asked Jesus to take it away.  Little did I know that he was going to make this a day that will never be forgotten. March 13th was our day.

I was watching the live feed on EWTN and all of the sudden, the smoke starts pouring out of the chimney.  Yes, I was watching video of a stationary chimney.  But the smoke started turning white and at that moment, this became no ordinary day.  We were about to have a new Papa, a new leader of our church.  My own mindset and the mindsets of billions were instantly changed because the largest charitable organization in the world was about to have a new face.  So, I ran over to the student center to catch the coverage on the television. And joined with about a dozen other people, we watched Pope Francis take his first steps as the new pope.  March 13th was our day.

 The media coverage of the event was done, in my opinion, very well.  As a conservative Catholic, I am always weary of how the media, especially the liberal media, would cover an event such as this.  But, I will say that I was impressed.  Social media was a different story.  Yeah, my news feed was filled with "Habemus Papem" and other quotes from our new pope, but there was a small sliver that wanted nothing more than to put a damper on this day.  I was not going to let that happen.  I have a friend, let's call him Ben, and Ben is a confirmed atheist and constantly is posting things in regard to equal marriage and "gay rights," whatever that means.  And twice yesterday, he posted comments taking shots at the new Vicar of Christ.  And each time, there I was commenting right back defending our faith.  Most days, I leave those things alone because Facebook is certainly not the place for a theological discussion.  But March 13th was not most days.  March 13th was our day.

There were joyous celebrations, tears, and an all around feeling of joy throughout the Catholic world.  We received our first Jesuit pope, our first Latin American pope, our first pope with the name Francis, but above all we received a holy man that will guide this church with only one thing in mind...the will of God.  For some, Wednesday was just another day.  The sun rose and it set. But for 1.2 billion people it was  day that will always be remembered. March 13th was our day.

The Purgatory that is the Confession Line

So a couple things got me thinking about the confessional today, the first of those being my continued reading of St. Augustine's "Confessions." I also had the opportunity to listen to a talk on forgiveness and reconciliation this morning, and I was able to pray with the story of the sinful woman in chapter 7 of Luke's Gospel.  Naturally, with all the talk of confession and forgiveness, I had to write about this special gift, and thanks be to God for basically throwing this week's blog in my lap!

The story of the sinful woman is incredible.  In essence, Jesus is sitting down with one of the Pharisees for a meal, and this woman, who is "a sinful woman" comes behind Jesus and starts washing his feet.  But the awesome thing is not only that she washes his feet but that she is washing them with her tears!  "...and standing behind him at His feet, weeping, she began to wet His feet with her tears, and kept wiping them with the hair of her head, and kissing His feet and anointing them with the perfume" (Luke 7:38).  This is amazing! I can't even imagine how many tears it would take to wash someone's feet and then to wipe them with her own hair? Incredible!

But why is this so incredible?  Yeah she is crying a lot and probably didn't have a towel so she used what she had.  But it's not that.  It's the incredible faith, love, and humility she had for Jesus that should floor you.  This woman, again incredibly sinful (although the sins she committed are unclear), heard that Jesus was going to be somewhere so she goes up to him and starts to wash his feet.  And not only does she start washing them, this woman is not going to stop until her sins are forgiven.  And as the story goes, Jesus releases her from those sins and allows her to go free and now clean.

This should get us thinking.  When was the last time you ran to Jesus like that while in the state of mortal sin?  When was the last time that you wept over the brokenness of your own failures?  I know looking at myself, it certainly has been awhile.  But this is the kind of attitude we must have when we come to confession.  When we sin, the FIRST thing we should do is run straight to Jesus.  He won't be offended.  He won't turn you away.  I promise.  I have talked to many priests and a lot of them tell me that their favorite thing to do is hear confessions, and that they will ALWAYS make time to bring someone back into that state of grace.  But yet so many of us wait days, weeks, and sadly, even years to lay it all out there.  Suck up your pride and go see Jesus.  As St. Josemaria Escriva says, "he has been waiting for you for twenty centuries".  Our sin is the disease, and Jesus is the doctor.  And when you leave that confessional and Jesus has forgiven you for all of your iniquities, the worst thing you can do is beat yourself up over it.  I mean, seriously, who are you to not forgive yourself when Jesus forgives you?

This also got me thinking about that first confession when I came back into the church.  It was the fall of 2010 and it was the first time that I had been in that line in 7 years.  I'm standing there with two very distinct feelings.  One of nervousness, the other of excitement.  The nervousness was expected. I hadn't been in the box in nearly a decade and I had a lot of sins to confess.  I was about to tell some guy that I do not know about my drinking, my partying, my impurities, and my general lack of love for God, and on top of that, I had no idea how to go about doing it!  But remember, I also had a feeling of excitement.  And that excitement came from the fact that even though this was going to be a difficult challenge to get through, there was a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel.  When I left that confessional, every single sin from the past 7 years was wiped away.  All the pain, all the self hate, all the feelings of being unloved were gone in an instant.  And I swear when I walked out of there it was like everything was pointing in my direction.  The lights were brighter.  The birds that are nearly non-existant in the late fall of Nebraska were singing, and the people waiting in line behind me were clapping and applauding my efforts.  OK the last one isn't true but boy, things finally had turned around.

So, I guess what I'm saying in all of this is to not be afraid of the confessional.  Is it scary at times?  Yeah.  Can it be difficult to confess your deepest, darkest sins to someone that you don't know?  Of course.  But none of that matters.  All that matters is that Jesus wants you to be there.  He wants to enter into those dark places so he can shine his light on the places where you hurt the most.  He is the ultimate healer and if you let him...he will change your life.

In Christ,
Josh

The 3rd Brother

So, if you ask Catholics to turn to Luke 15:11-32, most would probably know exactly what story you would be talking about.  Just kidding.  We're Catholic.  We don't know Scripture.  It's the story of the Prodigal Son (oh yeah, NOW I know what you're talking about!).  This particular passage is the perfect measuring stick to see where you are in your own relationship with the Heavenly Father.

I can remember praying over this passage when I first came back to the church.  At this time, I had never even heard of the concept of praying with the Gospels so you can imagine that I was blown away by this new revelation.  As I read through it, I could easily see that yep, I'm the first son.  I was lost but now found, blind but now I can see.  And just as the Father threw a party for his son, I was in the middle of my own party.

I also remember praying with this passage this summer.  It's probably good to know that this was at my summer training when I had already accepted a job with FOCUS, and things (for the most part) were going well.  I read through and could not really place myself with either brother.  I had already come back to the Church.  I was trying my best to obedient to the Father and His will, but unlike the second son, I was doing it all out of love.  I realized that my party was over, and now it was time to go to work.  It kind of took the wind out of my sails, but it was certainly what I needed to hear 2 months before I hit campus.

Then I prayed with the Gospel story one more time, not more than 3 weeks ago.  I was skeptical to pray over it again, since I had looked at it so many times over the last year and a half, but I figured, there has got to be a reason it's on the list of passages for my WRAP schedule, so I better give it a shot and listen.  And man, what I heard from God was certainly was not expected.  Again, much like the summer, I did not place myself in the proverbial sandals of either brother.  I was not the Father.  And I certainly was not the servant who spoke to the older brother.  So where do I fit?  How is God speaking to me through this?  After racking my brain for a couple minutes, I finally got it.  I am the 3rd brother!

Hold on a second...there are only 2 brothers...right?  Yeah there are.  I'm not trying to pull a fast one over you here.  But when you really think about it, should there not be a 3rd brother?  We have one son who has continually sinned and distrusted the Father in that way, and we have another son that does the work but distrusts the Father in the fact that he doesn't do any of it out of love.  He is just playing the role of the "the good son."  So where is the son that is following the rules, but doing it out of love and trust in the Father?  And that was when I realized that that son is me...and at times I can be hidden from view as well (based on the few posts of this new blog, you can really tell that God has been extremely generous to me in prayer).  I need to be the guy that is giving a swift kick in the tail to both brothers, telling them to wake up.  But I don't.  It is so easy to sit on the sideline and just be comfortable.  I say to myself, "I can't say anything to him because he might get mad at me," or "I should probably keep all this to myself for fear hurting someone's feelings." NEWSFLASH!  We aren't here to make someone's feelings okay.  We are not in the business of keeping people happy.  We are in the business of turning boys into men!  That's the job I signed up for!

So I guess what I'm saying is that maybe you're the first son and maybe you're the second son.  And when you find yourself there, you know that you need to work hard to make sure that everything you do, you do it out of love and trust in the Father so He can get you out of that hole.  But eventually, you will find yourself in the position of the 3rd brother.  God will call you to lend a helping hand to your brothers and sisters in need, and when that time comes...will you step up to the plate and answer that call?  Will you be the one that God can count on to save the soul of another just as He saved yours?

In Christ,
Josh

Come

"Peter got out of the boat and he began to walk on the water toward Jesus.  But when he saw how [strong] the wind was he became frightened; and, beginning to sink, he cried out, 'Lord, save me!'" (Matthew 14: 29-30).

Verses 22-32 in the 14th chapter of Matthew have to be some of my favorite verses in all of Scripture. It is the ultimate measuring stick of faith.  You get to place yourself in the shoes of Peter and ask yourself just how far you would get across the water.  Would you make it all the way to Jesus?  Would you get halfway?  Would you even step out of the boat?  OR would you sit back and be scared to even ask like the rest of the disciples?

These are valid questions to ask yourself when your faith is being tested, or if you just feel like your faith is absent.  I know for me personally, being able to pray over this section from Matthew has enabled me the ability to really check where I am in my own faith. There are times for me where I am not only out of the boat, but sprinting towards Jesus and never looking down. "Yes, Jesus I'm coming.  I'm exhausted from running this race, but I'm coming and I'm not stopping."  However, there are other times when I am afraid to get out of the boat.  "No Jesus, I can't.  I'll drown."

What needs to be remembered and what must never be forgotten is that Jesus will never let you drown.  Even if you feel like you're about to sink, don't take your eyes of Christ because He is never taking his eyes off of you.  Peter took his eyes off of Jesus and he started to sink.  "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?" (Mathew 14:31)  Sounds like a reprimand or a condemnation right? It's not.  It's an invitation. It is an invitation to grow in your faith, to trust more in the saving power of God.  Will it hurt?  Yeah.  Will it be uncomfortable?  Yeah.  But it doesn't matter!  Because whenever you stick your neck out and trust God, all you have to do is go back to this story.  In verse 31 before he asks Peter why he doubted, he saved him.  "Immediately he stretched out his hand and caught him."

Peter took a chance and was saved.  He may have gotten a little wet and possibly a little embarrassed, but he was saved.  Now it's your turn.  Take a chance.  Step out of the boat and run towards Christ. But do not ever take your eyes off of him and his cross.  Jesus will save you and protect you at all times.  All you need to do is just have a little faith.

Our German Shepherd

I think I would have been doing a disservice if I would have spent my time writing this week about anything other than the retirement of Pope Benedict XVI.  When the announcement came out on Monday, I, like most of the Catholic Community was absolutely shocked.  I instantly knew that this was my material for the week and I felt like I needed to write about it immediately.  So I started thinking about what I would write about Papa Bene and his life and then I came to the realization that I really didn't have anything...

April 2, 2005.  The day that Pope John Paul II passed on from this world.  At the time I was a 15 year old kid who was starting to form his own identity, one certainly not centered in the church.  However, I can tell you exactly where I was and what I was doing on that historic day, much like I can tell you where I was when the twin towers were struck or when the president was elected.  That's the kind of impact that man had.  His death made me take my mind off of a silly freshman baseball game in Bellevue, Nebraska and focus the rest of the day to man I had never met, or never even really knew.

One thing that I can't tell you is where I was when Pope Benedict was elected to the papacy.  In fact, without looking it up, I can't even tell you the day.  And I think about that, and I feel horrible.  This is the pope we are talking about!  The leader of our church, our Holy Father, and I can't remember a single thing about the day he was elected?! But wait a minute...don't you think that's the way he would have wanted it? A quiet man, he lived his life with his books, his window, and the birds that flew by it. That's how he liked it.  But he was also a man that was incredibly obedient to God and the higher places within the church in which he was called.

Pope Benedict leaves his post on February 28 the same way he came into it, with an incredible sense of humility.  When he took the job, many people questioned if he could fill the shoes that JPII left, but he didn't have to.  They were two different people.  John Paul II stuck out the papacy through failing health to show people how to suffer, to show people how to use that suffering for the greater good of the Kingdom.  Pope Benedict leaves the seat of Peter with the humility of knowing that his health is in a place where he cannot handle the rigors of the job anymore.  And don't fool yourself, he isn't retiring to some golf course to spend his days.  Pope Benedict knows exactly what the church needs and that's why will be spending the rest of his days in a monastery in prayer, fasting, and penance.

So, I may not ever know when he was elected or I may forget that I was in my bed checking twitter that morning of February 11th when I read the news.  But I will remember a man that gave everything he had to the church, and a man that had the humility to know that it was time to step down. His job is done and now the church looks to pass the torch to the next leader.  Well done good and faithful servant.