Thomas. A disciple. A follower of Jesus. A doubter. I always feel bad when people talk of Thomas as "The Doubting Thomas" because this was a man who in reality, gave his life to Christ, gave up everything he had at home to follow him and his teachings, and yet we almost always refer to him in this way. In John 20:24-29, we see the story behind the nickname and on the surface, and we can all think to ourselves, "Yeah, shame on you Thomas." However, when we really look into the passage and think our own lives, we all can put ourselves in his place.
What do I mean? Well, let's go back to the story. Thomas needed to see to believe. In verse 25, Thomas says to the other disciples that, "unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands and put my finger into the nailmarks and put my hand into his side, I will not believe." Jesus swings by the house. Thomas has the opportunity to do just that, and he comes to believe that Christ is risen. Jesus then tells them that blessed are those who have not yet seen and still believe. And even though that seems like a daunting task, it gives me hope knowing that even one of the greatest disciples doubted the risen Christ. So, I asked myself the question, where do I doubt?
This came up in my prayer the other day and it was a profound experience to say the least. As some of you may know, my job with FOCUS was not all that popular with my parents when I came on staff. I had heard stories of missionaries' parents that had radical conversions over their time with FOCUS, but in the back of my head I never thought that it could happen. At summer training, I vividly remember a conversation with Christ and him telling me not to worry about my family because he was taking care of it. And even then, I still could not fully trust in his healing power. Then things started to change.
Throughout the year, I have seen first hand how God has worked in my family. I have had multiple opportunities to talk about not just my job but about my faith with my immediate family, and lo and behold, they were interested! They truly cared about the work I was doing and are continually interested! But the biggest thing happened last week. I was on the phone with my dad and I was talking to him about possible placements for next year, and he was cool with all of them and supported any decision I, myself, or FOCUS made in that department. But here is the kicker. At the end of the conversation, my dad tells me that he was going to pray for whatever I needed. Wait...what?! My dad said he was going to PRAY for me. You're kidding right?! This drove me nearly to tears and I was so incredibly joyful to hear those words come from his mouth.
But to bring it full circle, as I was praying with this particular passage on Tuesday, I remembered that conversation with my dad and put it all in perspective. Jesus told me last summer that he was going to take care of my family. He told me that. How did I respond? I did not put all my trust in God at that time, and yet he came through. Now, I don't expect my dad to take my mom to mass every Sunday or start praying a daily rosary but God is working! He is converting the hearts of those closest to me even when I did not believe he could!
The point of the story is that yes, over time there will be instances where we doubt the power of God, where we do not put all of our trust in his saving and healing love. But do not get discouraged, because when you think something is impossible or too hard or not important enough for Christ, we must remember that all things are possible for Christ. And not only that all things are possible, but nothing is too small or unimportant for him. All we need to do is put our trust in him and let him do the heavy lifting. He will surprise you just as he continually surprises me.
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