So last night, I'm sitting at mass listening to Father's homily and he starts talking about conversion and that this word translates into another word, "metanioa." Meta=mind and noia=outside. Outside of the mind. And Father likens this to having your mind blown. So, conversion is having your mind blown. Ok Father, I got it, but that got me thinking about the time I had my mind blown in this sense, and about the time when I had my conversion. So, today I thought that I would share that story with you.
It all really goes back to when I was a youngster. I grew up in the faith, a cradle Catholic, you may say, but only in the fact that I was baptized and confirmed in the Church. The faith was never that important to me and I never went to church but I would have always considered myself a Catholic. Fast forward to high school. I was dating an amazing Lutheran girl and I loved this girl...or so I thought. The relationship was impure and unchaste and was of a very utilitarian manner. It continued on this way into college...and then I started partying. I was living the life of a college kid, partying and hooking up with my girlfriend like it was no big deal. So, for the first time in my life I was not just staying away from my faith, but was now pulling myself further from it.
Well that particular relationship ended and it seemed as if my whole world came crashing down. I had always seen myself marrying this girl, becoming Lutheran and being a rock star teacher. And now that girl was gone. I didn't have her and to be real honest, I wasn't sure if I wanted to even be in school anymore. That summer was a struggle of partying, trying to find the next girl, and through all of that, through all of that time spent trying to define myself by who surrounded me and by what I was doing, I was finding a very hard time trying to figure out who I was. But towards the end of the summer and into that fall of my Junior year of college, I met another amazing woman. Little did I know that this was going to be the start of my "metanoia."
She was Catholic. She attended the Catholic high school in Lincoln and was not going to the University of Nebraska-Lincoln, and was definitely living the faith in her daily life. We started dating in the fall and in this time, she would invite me to mass and I remember her one time asking me if I wanted to go, and I responded with, "It's Tuesday. There is no mass on Tuesday." To which she told me, "Oh no, they have mass on Tuesdays too!" Great, now I am going to mass outside of my Sunday obligation. But when I went with her, mostly for the opportunity to hold hands during the Our Father and just to spend another hour with her, I finally started listening. And by the grace of God, it all started to finally make sense. It was like the priest was up there speaking directly the holes in my own heart. So, I decided to take ownership of this new feeling. I started going to mass every Sunday and praying from time to time. I even took the liberty to go into the box and receive the sacrament of reconciliation for the first time in 7 years!
But like most good things, my relationship with this girl came to an end as well, and I was kind of left hanging. She was my in! So, for the next 2 weeks or so I was kind of doing the Catholic thing, but I got a call from her and she invited me to a conference being put on in Denver, CO. I was pretty skeptical, so I talked not only to her about it, but I talked to another friend that was going and also to a missionary named Jim at UNL. I decided to dive in and take the risk, and at 4:30 on a Friday morning I was on a bus headed to Colorado.
This weekend, a conference put on by the Fellowship of Catholic University Students, rocked my world. There were talks, mass, fellowship with other students, but the one thing that really got to my heart was the Saturday night adoration session. For two and a half hours, I sat in adoration of our Lord Jesus Christ. I had been to adoration before, but this time was different. This time I finally got it. That is Jesus up there on the altar. Not bread, not a wafer, but Jesus himself, fully divine placing himself in a small piece of unleavened bread. I started crying. I cried and I cried and I cried. With 1500 other people around I cried, and these were tears of joy. The tears came from the feeling that for all this time, partying and chasing girls, Jesus was there waiting for me up on the altar just for me. Just to hear from me and for me to give him a chance. Jesus is the perfect gentleman and was never going to impose, but when I opened that door just a little bit, he blew the doors off the hinges.
So I was back. I was finally living the faith for the first time in my life. I was putting in holy hours and going to mass multiple times a week. I evened joined a Bible study! But the most important part was that I finally felt at home for the first time in a long time. And again, my plans of being an educator in the classroom were up in the air. But not because of a lack of want, but because God had something better in store for me. He wanted me to become a missionary. I fought it. Oh yeah I fought it (just ask Jim)! But I went and interviewed, came back home, was told no, told to go back and interview again, fought it...again, went back, interviewed, was told yes the next day and accepted the best job I have ever had. I am just finishing up my first year on campus and I know that God has placed me exactly where I need to be.
That's my story. That's what has happened to me over the last 2 and a half years. But the point of sharing it is to inspire. We all have stories of conversion, and we need to share these stories. I have been blessed to hear the testimonies of around 100 people and each time I am floored. The stories of God becoming the focal point in one's life are the reason I do what I do. I remember being at SEEK this year and seeing a girl from high school that I knew. My first thought was, "Wow, I did not expect to see her here." And the second was, "I bet there is a story there." Stories are how the faith gets passed on from generation to generation. Just look at Scripture, it is one long story. I know that you have your own story. Go share it. Look for an opportunity to share with someone how God has impacted your own life. You never know, you may just open for the door for God to write a story for someone else!
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