So a couple things got me thinking about the confessional today, the first of those being my continued reading of St. Augustine's "Confessions." I also had the opportunity to listen to a talk on forgiveness and reconciliation this morning, and I was able to pray with the story of the sinful woman in chapter 7 of Luke's Gospel. Naturally, with all the talk of confession and forgiveness, I had to write about this special gift, and thanks be to God for basically throwing this week's blog in my lap!
The story of the sinful woman is incredible. In essence, Jesus is sitting down with one of the Pharisees for a meal, and this woman, who is "a sinful woman" comes behind Jesus and starts washing his feet. But the awesome thing is not only that she washes his feet but that she is washing them with her tears! "...and standing behind him at His feet, weeping, she began to wet His feet with her tears, and kept wiping them with the hair of her head, and kissing His feet and anointing them with the perfume" (Luke 7:38). This is amazing! I can't even imagine how many tears it would take to wash someone's feet and then to wipe them with her own hair? Incredible!
But why is this so incredible? Yeah she is crying a lot and probably didn't have a towel so she used what she had. But it's not that. It's the incredible faith, love, and humility she had for Jesus that should floor you. This woman, again incredibly sinful (although the sins she committed are unclear), heard that Jesus was going to be somewhere so she goes up to him and starts to wash his feet. And not only does she start washing them, this woman is not going to stop until her sins are forgiven. And as the story goes, Jesus releases her from those sins and allows her to go free and now clean.
This should get us thinking. When was the last time you ran to Jesus like that while in the state of mortal sin? When was the last time that you wept over the brokenness of your own failures? I know looking at myself, it certainly has been awhile. But this is the kind of attitude we must have when we come to confession. When we sin, the FIRST thing we should do is run straight to Jesus. He won't be offended. He won't turn you away. I promise. I have talked to many priests and a lot of them tell me that their favorite thing to do is hear confessions, and that they will ALWAYS make time to bring someone back into that state of grace. But yet so many of us wait days, weeks, and sadly, even years to lay it all out there. Suck up your pride and go see Jesus. As St. Josemaria Escriva says, "he has been waiting for you for twenty centuries". Our sin is the disease, and Jesus is the doctor. And when you leave that confessional and Jesus has forgiven you for all of your iniquities, the worst thing you can do is beat yourself up over it. I mean, seriously, who are you to not forgive yourself when Jesus forgives you?
This also got me thinking about that first confession when I came back into the church. It was the fall of 2010 and it was the first time that I had been in that line in 7 years. I'm standing there with two very distinct feelings. One of nervousness, the other of excitement. The nervousness was expected. I hadn't been in the box in nearly a decade and I had a lot of sins to confess. I was about to tell some guy that I do not know about my drinking, my partying, my impurities, and my general lack of love for God, and on top of that, I had no idea how to go about doing it! But remember, I also had a feeling of excitement. And that excitement came from the fact that even though this was going to be a difficult challenge to get through, there was a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. When I left that confessional, every single sin from the past 7 years was wiped away. All the pain, all the self hate, all the feelings of being unloved were gone in an instant. And I swear when I walked out of there it was like everything was pointing in my direction. The lights were brighter. The birds that are nearly non-existant in the late fall of Nebraska were singing, and the people waiting in line behind me were clapping and applauding my efforts. OK the last one isn't true but boy, things finally had turned around.
So, I guess what I'm saying in all of this is to not be afraid of the confessional. Is it scary at times? Yeah. Can it be difficult to confess your deepest, darkest sins to someone that you don't know? Of course. But none of that matters. All that matters is that Jesus wants you to be there. He wants to enter into those dark places so he can shine his light on the places where you hurt the most. He is the ultimate healer and if you let him...he will change your life.
In Christ,
Josh
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