I am Pleased with You, My Child

So yesterday was not a great day.  I got home from a two day training session in Denver that was less than relaxing only to know that I had 2 hours to prep for a Bible study and to make fundraising phone calls.  The calls actually went well.  I made a few more bucks and I got prepped for study (which I was super excited for).  Then the first of two studies that night got cancelled.  Great.  Then I go to the study I lead only to have 2 people show up, 1 of them being super late, when expecting 7.  I left there completely heart-broken and crushed.  I had put all this work into growing this study only to have to cancel.

Needless to say, I didn't sleep much last night.  I made a 11:30 PM run to the chapel to get all my frustrations out just wondering what more I could do, and searching for what more I could give.  I was up all night tossing and turning, racking my brain for the best way to get to these guys without completely killing myself.  I finally did fall asleep around 1, and when I woke up this morning, I still felt totally empty inside, like I had failed so badly to a point where I would never be able to get back up.

Then Jesus played the Jesus card and totally blew me away.  I shouldn't be surprised right?  I mean, Jesus is Jesus.  He can do whatever he wants.  Yeah, that had slipped my mind in the last 12 hours.  For the longest time, trusting in God has always been a roller coaster ride for me.  Some days, weeks, and months are great, but others aren't.  And while, for the most part, I can always look to God to take care of things, I never expected what he was going to do for me this morning.  One of my mission partners gave me this book.  Some of you may have it.  It's called "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young.  It's a 365 day devotional with a paragraph or two each day to help you have a conversation with God.  Here is the entry from today, November 20th...

"I am pleased with you, my child.  Allow yourself to become fully aware of My pleasure shining upon you.  You don't have to perform well in order to receive My Love.  In fact, a performance focus will put you away from Me, toward some sort of Pharisaism.  This can be a subtle form of idolatry: worshiping your own good works.  It can also be a source of deep discouragement when your works don't measure up to your expectations.  Shift your focus from your performance to My radiant Presence.  The Light of My Love shines on you continually, regardless of your feelings or behavior.  Your responsibility is to be receptive to this unconditional Love.  Thankfulness and trust are your primary receptors.  Thank Me for everything; trusting in Me at all times.  These simple disciplines will keep you open to my loving Presence."

Woof.  I was on the verge of the tears after the first sentence.  I stopped and thought back to a time last year when I was feeling the same way, and Jesus gave me Matthew 3:17 to ponder over. Check it out.  It's pretty good.  But this reflection totally changed my day.  The Holy Spirit put it on my heart to try again with the study.  I sent a text to all my guys telling them that we were going to try again tonight, and the response has been great.

So what's the point of this?  The point is that Jesus is always going to take care of you.  He doesn't care how big your discipleship chain is.  He doesn't care how many people are in your Bible study.  He cares about you and He knows that you're trying.  Jesus knows you are working your tail off trying to reach these men women and when a student chooses something else over study, He sees that.  He loves you anyway and He is so proud of you for working as hard as you can.  Your worth is not in numbers.  Your worth is not in your successes.  Your worth comes from being a son or daughter of God.  Don't forget that.  Jesus certainly doesn't.

In Christ,

Josh