Writer's Block. I have it right now...badly. I try my best to keep this blog up to date and make sure that I post every week. It's actually one of my goals for the semester. Lofty I know. But as I sit here, thinking about what I want to write, and not getting anything, it reminds me of something...my prayer life. For the last few weeks, it feels as if I have had writer's block in prayer. And after Father's homily last night, I think I may know why.
In prayer, it gets so easy to see God as the 911 number. And what I mean by this, is that we only go to Him when we need something. We see God as someone that only answers prayers when we really need Him, and then we just go away. And when the prayer doesn't get answered in the timely fashion we desire, we get upset, or start to lose a little bit of faith. And slowly, that will actually destroy our relationship with God.
So what happens when we ask for something? God can either say yes, say no, or wait. So say you ask for God to give you a door for a new contact on your mission; you know someone to chat up and talk to about the faith. And hours later, that happens. Great! Now don't stop there. Go thank Him for the gift and give Him the praise that he so deserves for opening that door.
What if God says no. I will use the same analogy Father used last night at mass. Say you're back in your grade school days and you get home from school and you want a snack. You call to your mom, "Hey mom, get me a snack!" A half hour goes by...nothing. You call to her again. "Hey mom, get me a snack." Another half hour goes by...nothing. You now realize that your mom has denied your request. But the thing is, it wasn't even a request. It was a demand. Just like your mother, God won't answer a command. You need to make an ask, and even then, God may say no. But why would He say no? He loves you with all He has right?
Exactly. God loves you more than your mother, your father, or even your significant other. And with that being said, God knows what you need and don't need better than any of them and definitely better than yourself. So what you may be asking for is not what God desires. It may not be the best thing for you right now. And when that happens, you have to evaluate what you are asking for, and ask God what He wants for you. And if He gives you the grace to know what that is, then the next step is to ask for that, and God will certainly answer your prayer.
The last response that God can give you is silence. This may be a tricky one. You're asking for something and you feel as if you really need it, but you are just not hearing anything back. God may be speaking but you may be too far away to hear it. God desires so much more from you than just to answer your prayers. He desires a relationship. There may be things you need and God wants to give them to you. However, if you aren't close enough to Him, you won't hear Him.
That may sound like a terrible thing. "Oh no, I am so far from God that I can't hear Him. What am I going to do?!?!" The answer to that question is to keep praying. Because while you may be too far from God, I can assure you that He is never too far away from you. You may have walls up that keep you from God, but God can see right through all those walls and directly into your heart. Keep praying. Keep asking God to show you exactly what walls need to be torn down, and then ask for the help to actually tear them down. It won't be easy and it will take time, but it will bear fruit and you will draw closer to God.
I type this out so I can remember this myself. I have my walls, and at times I am way too stubborn to ask God to help me tear them down. I need to remind myself at times (and really all the time) that I can't do it by myself. If I desire to truly draw closer to God, I have to put my pride in my pocket, and make the effort to ask Him for the help that I so desperately need. So, if this helped you at all in any way, I would love to hear about it and help you in your own prayer. I'm not perfect so I ask you to also pray for me. Who knows? Maybe you'll ask for the one thing that I'm not, but the one thing that I really need.
In Christ,
Josh
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