2014. A new year. A new semester. Okay great. What does that matter to me? I've never been a big New Year's resolution type guy, and I don't think that I have the personal will power to follow through with something I don't really want to do for a whole year (in fact, that sounds awful). However, I am game for making myself a better person and a better Catholic, and in 2014 that is my plan.
Hold on Josh. Aren't we all supposed to be building a better relationship with God all the time? Why is this all of the sudden some huge undertaking? Good question. As Christians, we should always be striving toward holiness and a better relationship with Our Creator. But guess what? It's really hard. I can remember having my conversion back to the church, my 4:00 moment, and for the first few months, everything was awesome! I was in that Honeymoon stage with God and anyone that has had a profound experience that led to this kind of conversion of heart knows exactly what I'm talking about. Too bad it doesn't last forever.
Like any relationship, the honeymoon stage wears away. The girl now feels fine wearing sweats on a daily basis and the guy now doesn't fear letting out a big belch around the girlfriend but now welcomes it just to see how many decibels he can register. It's the same with God...except without the belching. The fire or good feelings that come with that new relationship with God will eventually go away. Personally, I didn't see this coming and it took me way off guard. All of the sudden, things got really hard. Sin started looking really attractive. Evangelization seemed like a worthless practice at times, and apathy started to grow like moss on an old tree. All of this led to 2013 being a very tough year.
But before I continue, I do want to state that 2013 was a good year too. I finished my first year as a missionary. I moved to colorful Colorado. I met my beautiful and amazing girlfriend. I allowed myself to get super vulnerable with anyone that reads this blog. I had a lot of fun and did a lot of things that I will remember for a long time, but looking back, I can honestly say that spiritually, my year was not one of progress but of regression. All this sort of came to a head at FOCUS' Student Leadership Summit in Dallas at the beginning of this new year. I was praying and thinking about taking FOCUS into a parish next fall when I leave staff and how that would look. Then Jesus stopped me right in my tracks. He asked me a profound question that may become the question I try and answer the rest of the year. "How do you expect to help transform a parish when you can't even transform your own heart?" Woof! Jesus totally put me in my place. I was a little hurt by it. I didn't even know how to respond. But thanks to my buddy Steven, I was reminded again that Jesus asked this not because he dislikes me...but because He is on my side.
God has big plans in store for my life. As a high schooler, I thought being this awesome teacher and helping all these students out for fifty years was everything, that it would completely fulfill my life. It won't. It's not even close. I mean yeah, educating students is something that I am really excited to do, but it's not the end of it all. God has so much planned for me and I know that putting butts in the seats of whatever parish I join is a part of that plan. But Jesus totally reminded me that before I can do that, I have to get myself striving for holiness in every way before I can ever be successful in that particular endeavor. And what's most awesome is that Jesus is on my side. He wants to help me out. He wants to lead me to that place. Heck, He wants that relationship more than I do!
I hope 2014 is a better year. I've been back to the church for three years now (actually, today, January 14th is the 3 year anniversary of me getting on that bus headed to Denver where my life would be changed forever) and 2013 was probably the hardest of those three years. But I'm optimistic. I'm excited because I know that I have specific things that I get to work on for the next twelve months.
There is a challenge in front of me. It looks like a big mountain and the terrain is tough. But with God's help I know I can climb this mountain and plant my flag at the next summit of my personal holiness. I'm sure that on the way I will stumble and fall and may even think about giving up. But all smart climbers bring things to keep them safe; things to keep the outside influencers at bay. And for me and my mountain, my safety is God. 2 Thessalonians 3:3 says "...the Lord is faithful. He will establish you and guard you against the evil one." God will protect me. This I know. I knew it last year. The trick this year is trusting. If I trust the things that God wants to tell me, 2014 may just be the best year I've had so far.
In Christ,
Josh
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