I try and always get these things out on Monday. You know. It the start of a new week. You're still fresh. Yeah it's Monday, but the rigors of the week haven't bogged you down yet. Well today is Thursday and I'm just now getting to this. And for all of you that are calling lazy it wasn't because of that. I just did not have any material/the material I did have was just a little too personal for this venue (and to those of you that actually read this on a weekly basis, you know how personal I can get). Anyway, today I just wanted to put my prayer from today out there and maybe it'll help you with anything you're struggling with.
We call God, Father. He is our dad. He raises us up. He teaches us. He gives us all the things our biological fathers would give us times infinity. Okay, but do you ever feel like he's not all of that? I know I do. In fact, I probably do it more times than I'm proud of. Anyway, today I was praying with Hosea 11:1-9 and was again reminded why we call God our father.
The passage in Hosea is like a monologue from God about how he raised Israel up from nothing and every time He tried to get closer, Israel ran way. "Yet, though I stooped to feed my child, they did not know that I was their healer" (Hosea 11:4). You can just see how much that would hurt God. I mean, the children that he raised don't want Him anymore. That has to be hard. However, if you read on, you see that God is actually moved to compassion and pity, and desires not to destroy the tribe, even though they may deserve it.
So how did this effect me? The imaginative state I was in was pretty darn cool. The guys reading this will understand when I say God had placed me in this old school film room, like one you would see in an old sports movie. I was watching something being projected onto the screen, and I was actually using one of the old school projectors as well. I realized that what I was watching were moments from my youth. I remember seeing me at my high chair eating, walking for the first time, riding a bike, and even playing baseball. And in all of these little clips, there was this guy there. It wasn't my actual dad though. It was like everything had a 50's era black and white feel and the guy in the videos looked like the dad from "Leave it to Beaver."
I thought this was interesting in the sense that when I kept going through the clips and getting older, that guy disappeared. I got to clips that weren't so happy; shots of me partying at a young age, trying to pick up girls to take home, and a number of things I was not happy with. This was when I realized that Beaver's dad was the representation of God that my mind had made up. And from the outside, it can look like God had left me during those times, but that was not true. God never left me. I just stopped letting him in. Like the Israelites, when God tried to get close, I just ran to the next idol in my life.
The love of God is unconditional, and the love of God is constant. It's up to us to let that be true. We have to trust Him in that way. For me, that can be really tough. I fail. I mess up. I am not even close to being perfect. None of us are. But that doesn't mean we can get down on ourselves. Say you're a guy (or girl) and struggling with a sexual sin. You go two weeks and everything is great and then in a stroke of pure weakness you fall. What do you do now? Do you get down? Do you beat yourself up? No! You can't. God doesn't do that so what gives you the right to do it to yourself? I'll paraphrase something I saw from Catholic speaker, writer, and overall awesome dude Matt Fradd when he said of pornography addiction that we cannot mistake little progress for no progress. Rejoice over little victories in whatever sin you may be trying to rid from your life. God does!
So what's the point of the story? The point is to remember that you are human and God is not. You will mess up. God won't. And He understands that. He gets it, and because He gets it, He is not going to rain down fire and brimstone every time you fall. Find great peace in that. God is so forgiving and so awesome and sometimes we forget that. So the next time you feel like God is distant or is punishing you in any way, remember these words from Hosea 11:9, "I will not give vent to my blazing anger...For I am God and not man, the Holy One present among you; I will not let the flames consume you." Have a great day and may God bless you.
In Christ,
Josh
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Closing One Door. Opening Another
2014. A new year. A new semester. Okay great. What does that matter to me? I've never been a big New Year's resolution type guy, and I don't think that I have the personal will power to follow through with something I don't really want to do for a whole year (in fact, that sounds awful). However, I am game for making myself a better person and a better Catholic, and in 2014 that is my plan.
Hold on Josh. Aren't we all supposed to be building a better relationship with God all the time? Why is this all of the sudden some huge undertaking? Good question. As Christians, we should always be striving toward holiness and a better relationship with Our Creator. But guess what? It's really hard. I can remember having my conversion back to the church, my 4:00 moment, and for the first few months, everything was awesome! I was in that Honeymoon stage with God and anyone that has had a profound experience that led to this kind of conversion of heart knows exactly what I'm talking about. Too bad it doesn't last forever.
Like any relationship, the honeymoon stage wears away. The girl now feels fine wearing sweats on a daily basis and the guy now doesn't fear letting out a big belch around the girlfriend but now welcomes it just to see how many decibels he can register. It's the same with God...except without the belching. The fire or good feelings that come with that new relationship with God will eventually go away. Personally, I didn't see this coming and it took me way off guard. All of the sudden, things got really hard. Sin started looking really attractive. Evangelization seemed like a worthless practice at times, and apathy started to grow like moss on an old tree. All of this led to 2013 being a very tough year.
But before I continue, I do want to state that 2013 was a good year too. I finished my first year as a missionary. I moved to colorful Colorado. I met my beautiful and amazing girlfriend. I allowed myself to get super vulnerable with anyone that reads this blog. I had a lot of fun and did a lot of things that I will remember for a long time, but looking back, I can honestly say that spiritually, my year was not one of progress but of regression. All this sort of came to a head at FOCUS' Student Leadership Summit in Dallas at the beginning of this new year. I was praying and thinking about taking FOCUS into a parish next fall when I leave staff and how that would look. Then Jesus stopped me right in my tracks. He asked me a profound question that may become the question I try and answer the rest of the year. "How do you expect to help transform a parish when you can't even transform your own heart?" Woof! Jesus totally put me in my place. I was a little hurt by it. I didn't even know how to respond. But thanks to my buddy Steven, I was reminded again that Jesus asked this not because he dislikes me...but because He is on my side.
God has big plans in store for my life. As a high schooler, I thought being this awesome teacher and helping all these students out for fifty years was everything, that it would completely fulfill my life. It won't. It's not even close. I mean yeah, educating students is something that I am really excited to do, but it's not the end of it all. God has so much planned for me and I know that putting butts in the seats of whatever parish I join is a part of that plan. But Jesus totally reminded me that before I can do that, I have to get myself striving for holiness in every way before I can ever be successful in that particular endeavor. And what's most awesome is that Jesus is on my side. He wants to help me out. He wants to lead me to that place. Heck, He wants that relationship more than I do!
I hope 2014 is a better year. I've been back to the church for three years now (actually, today, January 14th is the 3 year anniversary of me getting on that bus headed to Denver where my life would be changed forever) and 2013 was probably the hardest of those three years. But I'm optimistic. I'm excited because I know that I have specific things that I get to work on for the next twelve months.
There is a challenge in front of me. It looks like a big mountain and the terrain is tough. But with God's help I know I can climb this mountain and plant my flag at the next summit of my personal holiness. I'm sure that on the way I will stumble and fall and may even think about giving up. But all smart climbers bring things to keep them safe; things to keep the outside influencers at bay. And for me and my mountain, my safety is God. 2 Thessalonians 3:3 says "...the Lord is faithful. He will establish you and guard you against the evil one." God will protect me. This I know. I knew it last year. The trick this year is trusting. If I trust the things that God wants to tell me, 2014 may just be the best year I've had so far.
In Christ,
Josh
Hold on Josh. Aren't we all supposed to be building a better relationship with God all the time? Why is this all of the sudden some huge undertaking? Good question. As Christians, we should always be striving toward holiness and a better relationship with Our Creator. But guess what? It's really hard. I can remember having my conversion back to the church, my 4:00 moment, and for the first few months, everything was awesome! I was in that Honeymoon stage with God and anyone that has had a profound experience that led to this kind of conversion of heart knows exactly what I'm talking about. Too bad it doesn't last forever.
Like any relationship, the honeymoon stage wears away. The girl now feels fine wearing sweats on a daily basis and the guy now doesn't fear letting out a big belch around the girlfriend but now welcomes it just to see how many decibels he can register. It's the same with God...except without the belching. The fire or good feelings that come with that new relationship with God will eventually go away. Personally, I didn't see this coming and it took me way off guard. All of the sudden, things got really hard. Sin started looking really attractive. Evangelization seemed like a worthless practice at times, and apathy started to grow like moss on an old tree. All of this led to 2013 being a very tough year.
But before I continue, I do want to state that 2013 was a good year too. I finished my first year as a missionary. I moved to colorful Colorado. I met my beautiful and amazing girlfriend. I allowed myself to get super vulnerable with anyone that reads this blog. I had a lot of fun and did a lot of things that I will remember for a long time, but looking back, I can honestly say that spiritually, my year was not one of progress but of regression. All this sort of came to a head at FOCUS' Student Leadership Summit in Dallas at the beginning of this new year. I was praying and thinking about taking FOCUS into a parish next fall when I leave staff and how that would look. Then Jesus stopped me right in my tracks. He asked me a profound question that may become the question I try and answer the rest of the year. "How do you expect to help transform a parish when you can't even transform your own heart?" Woof! Jesus totally put me in my place. I was a little hurt by it. I didn't even know how to respond. But thanks to my buddy Steven, I was reminded again that Jesus asked this not because he dislikes me...but because He is on my side.
God has big plans in store for my life. As a high schooler, I thought being this awesome teacher and helping all these students out for fifty years was everything, that it would completely fulfill my life. It won't. It's not even close. I mean yeah, educating students is something that I am really excited to do, but it's not the end of it all. God has so much planned for me and I know that putting butts in the seats of whatever parish I join is a part of that plan. But Jesus totally reminded me that before I can do that, I have to get myself striving for holiness in every way before I can ever be successful in that particular endeavor. And what's most awesome is that Jesus is on my side. He wants to help me out. He wants to lead me to that place. Heck, He wants that relationship more than I do!
I hope 2014 is a better year. I've been back to the church for three years now (actually, today, January 14th is the 3 year anniversary of me getting on that bus headed to Denver where my life would be changed forever) and 2013 was probably the hardest of those three years. But I'm optimistic. I'm excited because I know that I have specific things that I get to work on for the next twelve months.
There is a challenge in front of me. It looks like a big mountain and the terrain is tough. But with God's help I know I can climb this mountain and plant my flag at the next summit of my personal holiness. I'm sure that on the way I will stumble and fall and may even think about giving up. But all smart climbers bring things to keep them safe; things to keep the outside influencers at bay. And for me and my mountain, my safety is God. 2 Thessalonians 3:3 says "...the Lord is faithful. He will establish you and guard you against the evil one." God will protect me. This I know. I knew it last year. The trick this year is trusting. If I trust the things that God wants to tell me, 2014 may just be the best year I've had so far.
In Christ,
Josh
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