OK, so to start off, this post isn't about Star Wars, but if that is all you were looking for, please don't leave. Please???
It's the start of a new year. My first year as a missionary is finally in the books, and I have moved onto a new campus, a new state, and a new Josh. I will be serving this school year in Greeley at the University of Northern Colorado. Tear em up Bears! (Am I doing that right???) Anyway, I just wanted to write today in an attempt to shake off the cobwebs from the summer and to gear up for the new year.
Welcome Week is almost over and while I was busy with meetings, nightly events, and a long two weeks, I was able to really look at the past year and evaluate my first campaign as a missionary. If I had one word to describe the last year, it would be...struggle. But this is not a bad thing. I struggled in many areas, and all of those struggles have led me to the humbling realization that I am nowhere near perfect and that I have a lot of work to do. That could be a lot of pressure, but you know what I say to that? Bring it on. I learned so much from those struggles and found out things about myself that I never knew or thought were in the past. Today, I just want to share two of those with you and how they will be a springboard for my next term as a missionary.
First, and foremost, is my own personal holiness. In FOCUS we constantly push the Big 3 (chastity, sobriety, and excellence) and last year I failed miserably in all three. While I won't go into detail about them, I will say that each area was a stumbling block for me in my first year. And when I failed, I pulled away from God. I did not want to pray, and kept myself distant from God. I went to mass, but was never really into it. I was embarrassed and was full of self-hating thoughts about how I was not good enough or that I should not be a missionary. Yeah, not typical things you hear from a missionary, but hey why not get them out into the open?
But what did I learn from all of this? I learned that I wasn't telling God anything! I kept all my thoughts, feelings, and desires from Him and therefore did not let the divine physician come in with His scalpel and...other medical tools (I don't know, I'm not a doctor) and let him do work. Jesus not only wants us at our best, but even more he wants us at our worst. And last year, I kept him from those places so often, that I was rarely able to give Him my best. This year, I hope to lay all of my struggles out on the table with Jesus and let him take care of them all, and I invite you to do the same. Felling crappy? Not able to get over the hump and move forward from a particular sin? Give it to Jesus...and I mean really give it to Jesus. None of this ho-hum, "yeah Jesus I guess you can work on this if you want..." No! Let go of it and let the Son of God take over.
Next, the mission. Now, those of you that know me, know that I am an introvert and outreach can be one of the toughest things for me. Jesus gave me a great gift to teach and I'm great at that, but when it comes to outreach...well let's just say I can get pretty awkward. Last fall, I did not let myself really let go and put myself out there in order to save souls. And I suffered. I was only able to reach a small number of students and while I love them to pieces, I missed a ton of people and I will have to answer for that. Students at UNO missed an opportunity to be evangelized and to know Jesus because I was too afraid of failure. That cannot happen.
Here is the learning point. I've heard it so many times in the last year, but yes eternity is worth the awkwardness. Not just my eternity, but the salvation of those around me. It may be tough for me to walk up to someone I don't know and start a conversation, but hey, maybe that person has no idea who Jesus is, and when he finally meets him, the person becomes the next pope. A stretch? Maybe. But you will never know if don't put yourself out there. And if the person thinks you're crazy and dismisses the idea of the Catholic Church as a whole...well at least you can say you tried and that burden does not have to weigh on your shoulders. So this year, I am making a resolution to put myself out there even if I just end up standing there with my hands in pockets like a goof.
A new hope. Feels good. Last year is behind me and all of the struggles, mistakes, and poor decisions are in the past. That's the beauty of the church. When we fail, we get a new start. Jesus loves us so much that every single time we move in the wrong direction, he forgives us and we get to get back on the right track. But it is not enough, just to seek forgiveness. We must seek holiness. We must seek sanctity. We must seek perfection. None of us deserve Heaven but what we can rely on is the mercy and goodness of Our Lord to get us over the roadblocks that lie in wait. Don't let your past define you. You're better than that.
In Christ,
Josh
